Practice sex with best friend

Originally Published: March 1, 1996 - Last Updated / Reviewed On: March 21, 2013
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Dear Alice,

I was a virgin until about five months ago, and after three hours of foreplay, I finally penetrated and came right then. Since then, my girlfriend and I have broken up, but are best friends now. I have a strange uncontrollable urge to go down on every girl I see (I think because I enjoy a turned-on girl more than I enjoy anything).

Neither I nor my best friend are seeing anyone, and "friends" have sex all the time, so what is the best way to ask her to let me "practice?" After my first "real" sexual experience, I feel incredibly inadequate, especially since we broke up not long after that. I really want to get better. Christ, I'm nineteen and not getting any younger.

— Active Tongue

Dear Active Tongue,

It's good to hear you are eager to give others pleasure, since giving and receiving go hand in hand. It's no wonder you're ready to have sex again, since sex can certainly be fun, pleasurable, and exciting. In some ways, like a pump being primed, once you have had sex, you may have even more sexual energy.

You say you're eager to have oral sex with your best friend and it sounds like you mean your ex-girlfriend. Could you consider casually speaking with her? Perhaps something like: "I feel a bit awkward asking you this. Remember when we were seeing each other and fooling around (or having sex, or making out, or whatever words you are comfortable with)? I really enjoyed it, and wonder if you might consider the possibility of continuing the sexual part of our relationship... I'd really like to give you pleasure. I trust your judgment and value our communication. Perhaps you could help me become a better lover? What do you think?"

You need to be prepared for her answer. She may say "yes," "maybe," "tell me more about it," "let me think about it," or "no way!" It takes a lot of courage to ask, and asking is the only way to truly know her thoughts. Remember, her choices are hers and hers alone; she may be on a different page entirely. 

If the best friend with whom you'd like to practice is not your ex-girlfriend, you can use the same kind of casual but self-revealing approach. "You know, there is something I'd like to talk with you about that makes me feel kind of awkward, and I hope you will hear me out before you react." Then tell her what you were thinking about. Friends usually respect and depend upon gentle honesty. Have you considered skipping the potential pitfalls of sex with friends by looking for a brand new partner who's not a current friend?

Becoming a tender lover takes time and practice; however, you do have your entire life to learn. If your best friend is unwilling, too uncomfortable, or fearful that it might jeopardize your friendship, you could consider finding another partner with whom you can "practice."

Being in touch with our own wants, desires, and needs and finding ways to communicate them to others are all very good things. Best of luck!

Alice

November 11, 2014

590631
I think sex with a friend will develop an attachment to one another that the the other person may not want. Might as well find another girlfriend..
I think sex with a friend will develop an attachment to one another that the the other person may not want. Might as well find another girlfriend..

August 8, 2013

534327
Friends with benefits never works. I used to do this whenever I could with the guy I considered my best friend. I did whatever he wanted me to do because I wanted more from him (someone always wants...
Friends with benefits never works. I used to do this whenever I could with the guy I considered my best friend. I did whatever he wanted me to do because I wanted more from him (someone always wants more in this kind of relationship) and I thought by lowering myself into becoming a "slut" for him would make him want me more seriously. It backfired, he just went around sleeping with others which hurt me very badly everytime. Moral of the story is, friends with benefits never works. One person always ends up with feelings and ends up getting hurt. Don't ruin your friendship, find someone new to have fun with.

February 21, 2008

21425

To the reader:

It is not a good idea. Just find someone new and willing. This will not go so well with your "friend." You say it's over, but she is going to think something...

To the reader:

It is not a good idea. Just find someone new and willing. This will not go so well with your "friend." You say it's over, but she is going to think something diffrent. She is going to think you want to get back together. Take my advice and don't do it.

March 14, 2006

21049

Alice,

RE: Practive sex with best friend... Agreed. If they really are your best friend, you shouldn't want to risk that entire friendship (and possibly your relationship with your boy/...

Alice,

RE: Practive sex with best friend... Agreed. If they really are your best friend, you shouldn't want to risk that entire friendship (and possibly your relationship with your boy/girlfriend if they somehow find out) on just "getting better". In fact, if you want to have sex with your best friend in the first place, maybe you should be dating them. Cheating is never okay, nothing good ever comes out of it.

December 22, 2005

21006
Alice, Re: "Practice sex with best friend"

Bad mistake.... it`ll be like playing with fire

First a little fun then before you know it you have burnt yourself and her and then surrounding...

Alice, Re: "Practice sex with best friend"

Bad mistake.... it`ll be like playing with fire

First a little fun then before you know it you have burnt yourself and her and then surrounding friendships.