Please hold while I masturbate

Originally Published: March 21, 1997 - Last Updated / Reviewed On: April 22, 2013
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Dear Alice,

Recently, during a phone conversation with my boyfriend, he told me that he turned the volume up on his phone. Soon after, he began to masturbate, while he was talking. I am well aware of phone sex, but the conversation never came up. I had no idea what to say to him. It was very loud and there was no mistaking those sounds. Should I confront him or let it go? Do many men find this satisfying? He complains about not being able to sleep. Could this have something to do with this?

Dear Reader,

It's understandable you had no idea what to say, your boyfriend decided to "let his fingers do the talking" during your conversation! Whether the sound of your voice turned him on or he was using masturbation as soporific stimulation, your boyfriend should have asked for your consent before relishing his hot dog with you as his audience. You could use this opportunity to decide what role — if any — phone sex could have in your relationship. Many women and men, couples and singles, find phone sex satisfying — even relationship-saving when partners are geographically separated. Others are not interested in phone sex.

You don't have to wait until the next chicken-choking conversation to bring it up. Here are some questions to consider when talking to your boyfriend. Does the idea of phone sex appeal to you? Have you ever wished your phone was "on vibrate" while you talked to your boyfriend? What would you want him to say? What would he like you to say while he's having solo sex during your call? Could you use phone sex as a way to bring up fantasies you might be embarrassed to talk about in person? Would phone sex relieve sexual tension and create intimacy while you're apart? Could it heighten your desire for each other until the next time you're together? Having this conversation with your boyfriend can help you make sure you're on the same page.

If his spontaneous spanking offended you, it would be appropriate to let him know, especially if you hope it won't happen again. Or maybe he simply had bad timing, initiating his session while you were talking about something important. If that's the case, maybe the two of you can agree to a signal or word to use when you're ready for some tele-fun. Phone sex can be a normal and healthy part of a relationship, if you're both into it.

Happy speed dialing!

Alice