Phone sex: Getting started

Originally Published: September 13, 2002 - Last Updated / Reviewed On: June 17, 2014
Share this

Dear Alice,

My boyfriend and I live on opposites sides of the world. We have joked about phone sex, but I am really shy, so I don't know how to approach it. How would I initiate it over the phone?

Dear Reader,

Phone sex is no laughing matter to many couples who, for job, school, military, and/or other reasons, can't be intimate in person. Tele-fooling around can be a relationship-saver, and gives new meaning to the term "hotline." That said, satellite sex, even for partners who frequently partake, is often difficult for even the most adventurous to initiate at first — and often gets easier with practice. This makes sense since sex usually involves at least two people touching each other in some way: hugging, kissing, caressing, inserting, receiving, and so on. Then there's the eye contact, absent during phone sex unless you've experimented with video chat. Plus most phone use is nonsexual. No wonder you feel shy about pushing your boyfriend's buttons.

If you think about it, though, the two of you have already placed the phone sex call by joking about it, which at least raised the possibility of doing it. Maybe you could stay on that line with something like, "Hey Buttercup, remember our phone sex idea... Well...?" How ever either of you bring it up, it might help to close your eyes and imagine that the other is right there next to you. Turn off the lights, put on some sexy music... create an environment that sets the mood, which could even mean getting naked. And while you're both at it, you could also prep for the call by getting in touch with yourself as if you were starting to masturbate. A little phone foreplay might make it feel more natural to start the sexual connection on the phone because it would really be a continuation of what's already begun.

Now that you're in the mood, here are some words that might ring your boyfriend's bell, and keep him on the line for a long time:

  • "Operator, I need some assistance."
  • "What are you wearing... or not wearing?"
  • "Your voice makes me __________."
  • "I love when you put your __________ on/in my __________. "
  • "The next time I see you, I'm going to __________."
  • "Is that a phone in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?"

You could also forgo some of the spontaneity by making a phone sex date so that both of you know the general plan, and might think ahead of time about what you can do when you answer or make the call(s).

Hope these suggestions help! Gotta go now, something's vibrating.

Alice