Phone sex: Getting started

Originally Published: September 13, 2002 - Last Updated / Reviewed On: November 14, 2008
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Dear Alice,

My boyfriend and I live on opposites sides of the world. We have joked about phone sex, but I am really shy, so I don't know how to approach it. How would I initiate it over the phone?

Dear Reader,

Phone sex is no laughing matter to many couples who, for job, school, military, and/or other reasons, can't be intimate in person. Tele-fooling around can be a relationship-saver, and gives new meaning to the term "hotline." That said, satellite sex, even for partners who frequently partake, is often difficult for even the most adventurous to initiate at first — and often gets easier with practice. This makes sense since sex usually involves at least two people touching each other in some way: hugging, kissing, caressing, inserting, receiving, and so on. Then there's the eye contact, absent during phone sex unless you've gone Jetson with a video cam. Plus most phone use is nonsexual. No wonder you feel shy about pushing your boyfriend's buttons.

If you think about it, though, the two of you have already placed the phone sex call by joking about it, which at least raised the possibility of doing it. Maybe you could stay on that line with something like, "Hey Buttercup, remember our phone sex idea... Well...?" How ever either of you bring it up, it might help to close your eyes and imagine that the other is right there next to you. Turn off the lights, put on some sex music... create an environment that sets the mood, which could even mean getting naked. And while you're both at it, you could also prep for the call by getting in touch with yourself as if you were starting to masturbate. A little telephone foreplay might make it feel more natural to start the sexual connection on the phone because it would really be a continuation of what's already begun.

Now that you're in the mood, here are some words that might ring your boyfriend's bell, and keep him on the line for a long time:

  • "Operator, I need some assistance."
  • "What are you wearing... or not wearing?"
  • "Your voice makes me __________."
  • "I love when you put your __________ on/in my __________. "
  • "The next time I see you, I'm going to __________."
  • "Is that a cell phone in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?"

You could also forgo some of the spontaneity by making a phone sex date so that both of you know the general plan, and might think ahead of time about what you can do when you answer or make the call(s).

Also know that phone conversations — especially ones on cell and cordless phones — are not always private. Who hasn't been on the phone when all of a sudden you're part of others' conversations, or they're a part of yours?

Hope these suggestions help. Gotta go now, something's vibrating.

Alice

August 29, 2013

535864
Phone sex can be a very intimate way of getting to know a person. Since you aren't face-to-face, it's easier to be honest...
Phone sex can be a very intimate way of getting to know a person. Since you aren't face-to-face, it's easier to be honest & open to talk about what you like & dislike. For a couple, it's good to know that your partner is actually listening & hearing your true feelings. Just go slowly and don't be embarrassed about being yourself!

November 12, 2008

21486

Dear Alice,

My guy travels in his business and is gone sometimes for weeks. He started by saying a few things about sex in emails. Then I would make up stories about us and sex, and call...

Dear Alice,

My guy travels in his business and is gone sometimes for weeks. He started by saying a few things about sex in emails. Then I would make up stories about us and sex, and call them bedtime stories and send them to him each night. But that wasn't giving me any pleasure. I'd never masturbated in my life. He called me long-distance one night and said "I want to" do this or this, now take your finger and do that while I'm describing it. Then I started telling him what I'd do to him if he were here, in great detail. It turned into some of the best "cyber sex" you could imagine. It was as if he were with me. I could hear his voice talking to me, and I was making love by proxy. It was sexy and intimate, and we both received pleasure from it.

December 15, 2006

21165

Dear Alice,

I was in a long distance relationship for a year and a half, and I want first to say that this person is not alone! Phone sex, though at first may be awkward to talk about, is a...

Dear Alice,

I was in a long distance relationship for a year and a half, and I want first to say that this person is not alone! Phone sex, though at first may be awkward to talk about, is a great way to keep intimacy alive when you're living far away.

My boyfriend and I began by first just telling each other fantasies, and listening to the other's reactions was just the beginning. You may not want to jump into it all at once, 'cause that might be awkward. Just talk about things of a sexual nature on the phone and then ease into touching yourselves as time goes on. Vocalization is very important, and you can't be afraid to moan or to tell your partner that you like something. That's where all the fun comes in.

Another thing that I would have you know is to not let anyone make you feel bad for what you're doing. You see a lot of people bashing those who cyber or have phone sex, but it's a perfectly legitimate way to be intimate and loads safer than unprotected sex. I enjoy it a lot when I do, and I think you will too.