Partner pleasuring through delaying orgasm

Originally Published: December 19, 1997
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Dear Alice,

I just wrote asking about how I might prolong my orgasm so that my girlfriend might be able to reach hers. I've read through your archives extensively, so I've seen all the "orgasm is personal and shouldn't be concentrated on" so I've seen that and whatever. I just want one issue discussed: how to prolong MYSELF to please her. I'm looking for answers such as: exercises, workouts, diets, surgery (jk). Please help me please her.

— e.e. cumming too soon

ps: Thanks so much, your service is awesome!

Dear e.e. cumming too soon,

First, let Alice clarify the point you made in your letter about "'orgasm is personal and shouldn't be concentrated on'." Saying that her orgasm is hers, is different from saying that orgasm is personal. Saying, "Don't concentrate on it," is different from explaining how to last longer for yourself, an important question.

Lasting longer is not about diet, exercise, surgery, etc.... It's about teaching your body a new way of responding. You can learn to slow down, to recognize the "point of no return" (the moment right before your orgasm is inevitable), to back away as you get closer to orgasm, and to postpone the inevitable to a more desirable time. Once you can identify and become familiar with your usual steps leading to orgasm, then you may find Alice's various tips and exercises on how to delay orgasm more useful and relevant to you.

For those of you whose attention, and whatever else, has been peaked by this discussion, see Prolonging arousal/Lasting longer and search through Alice's Sexuality and Relationships archives for more related information.

As for pleasing your partner, the only one who can give you the information you need is your partner. In this case, she is the one you need to ask, not Alice.