Partner doesn't like doggie position

Originally Published: February 16, 1995 - Last Updated / Reviewed On: September 26, 2003
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Dear Alice,

My partner says she does not care for the "doggie" position because it causes her pain. I, on the other hand like to experiment and want to try everything. I guess I want more than just vanilla and she says if vanilla is great, continue to go for it. I guess I'm trying to sort out facts first. First, I know that only about 8 percent of women engage in this position. I guess I want to try it occasionally because the position gives me sight sensory as well as feeling. Anyway, I tell her I'd do anything she wants, anything to satisfy her in exchange for having sex in this position. I guess it's an obsession which becomes more of an obsession when it is denied!

Back to what she says. First, is that the angle is painful. She says the position is against the normal "curve" of the penis as it would enter in missionary position. Now on to the emotional side. What happens is that she will eventually consent but then because I feel guilty I jackrabbit and I can't enjoy it! What can be done to stop the pain she says is there? Is some of it emotional?

—Barking up the wrong tree

Dear Barking up the wrong tree,

First of all, your statistic regarding the percentage of women who engage in the "doggie-style" position seems to be an underestimation. Regardless, your dilemma involves just you and your partner. Pain during intercourse can be related to actual physical pain, or it can have some emotional or psychological component to it. Since your partner has stated that she is in physical pain during this sexual position, there are a few things you can try to make her more comfortable. How about using a water- based lubricant to make it easier for your penis to move inside of her? Tried moving gently, as opposed to hard thrusting. You may also want to try variations of the doggie position, with you entering her from behind while lying down next to each other on your sides, instead of attempting it on your knees.

Ask your partner if anything besides the painful angle bothers her. Some women may feel as though the "doggie" position is something being done to them, as opposed to something in which they are participating. It is also a position in which some women feel distant from their partner because they are not facing them. If your partner feels this way, try touching her body while you are having sex with her, or wrapping your arms around her. You can also stimulate your partner's clitoris while having sex in the doggie style position, a technique that helps to ensure a woman's pleasure in addition to the man's. If your partner finds no relief in any of these changes, then you may want to take a break from your obsession with the doggie-thing. Not forcing an issue can give you both the time to relax, explore your sexuality together in other ways, and potentially come back to the doggie position naturally at another less stressful moment.

Alice

May 9, 2004

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Alice, There are a few reasons why girls might not like this position. First, it's easier for you to thrust too deep, and if you do that, you're basically slamming up against the cervix, which hurts...
Alice, There are a few reasons why girls might not like this position. First, it's easier for you to thrust too deep, and if you do that, you're basically slamming up against the cervix, which hurts. Second, there is no direct clitoral stimulation. You can improve that by stimulating her with your hand. Third, she can't see you very well. I know that sex, for me at least, is much better when I can see my boyfriend and make eye contact. But, if you want a change of pace from missionary, all of these problems are solved by one position... she is in the aforementioned cowgirl position, plus you are sitting up as well. Then, she is in control of how deep it goes, she can see you, and there is clitoral stimulation. If you want to do it with you lying down, I strongly recommend that you stimulate her clitoris by putting your hand on her hip and massaging it with your thumb. Hope that helps!

September 19, 2003

20504
Dear Alice, To "Barking up the wrong tree," if your partner doesn't like doggie style, and you like all different positions, why not try cowgirl style? Cowgirl style, for the uninformed, is sex with...
Dear Alice, To "Barking up the wrong tree," if your partner doesn't like doggie style, and you like all different positions, why not try cowgirl style? Cowgirl style, for the uninformed, is sex with the girl sitting on or "riding" her male partner. I suggest this because you say you like the visual stimulation as well, and with this position, you get to see your partner's body upright and nude right in front of you, one of the reasons most guys love it. Many girls like it because they are the ones who are in control, so they don't feel pain, and can slow things down if they want. Guys like it because this position typically (or so I've heard, I am a girl) puts more pressure on their penises and makes the vagina feel tighter — I don't really know why, they just say it does. Another fun thing to do in this position is twist from side to side, and for a really amazing sensation for both the guy and the girl, have her sit backwards (back to you), with you all the way in her, and then turn (you still in her) all the way to face you. (You just need to be careful she doesn't kick you.) All of my friends, male and female, and their boyfriends (although we've never done it together) say that this position is their favorite! Just for an alternate that gives visual stimulation! -Sex Ed. Girl [And by the way, this advice is coming from a knowledgeable virgin. I teach sex ed and safe sex with a group of college students on a volunteer basis, and I hear and know more about sex than any of my sexually active friends! I'm the group's abstinence promoter (go figure), but when I do have sex when I get married, boy will I be ready!]