Alice,
Too bad Hey, what's a bidet? and Okay, but how do you sit on a bidet? weren't posted on the wall of my hotel bathroom in Norway...
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Alice,
Hey, what's a bidet? — follow-up question:
I was glad to see an explanation for the purpose of a bidet. I've seen them
in other countries and in upscale homes here. I still don't understand, though,
just exactly HOW one uses it. There is no actual seat. Are you supposed to "hover"
over the water jets, or what?
Thanks!
Dear Reader,
Last week on Bidets of Our Lives, Jackie and Johnny Genitals discovered
something very strange in their bathroom: "No, Johnny,... that's a
toilet, not
a water fountain!" It quickly became clear to the ignorant, but relieved and
hydrated, American couple that this Mini Me of a commode was a bona fide bidet
(rhymes with "hooray," "relay," and "filet"). It is used a lot in the lands
of Europe, Asia, and Latin America to clean external genitalia when toilet paper
and showers are inefficient, difficult, painful, impossible, or just too passé
to use.
Bidet in French originally meant "small horse," and was assigned to the
appliance in question in the 15th Century by soldiers on horseback who, with
few bathing options, wanted at least to clean the parts of themselves
that were
forever up close and personal with their saddles. Thus, "straddling the pony"
became slang for using a bidet, and may give you a good visual to accompany
this user's guide. One climbs aboard a standard bidet the opposite direction
s/he would sit on a toilet. You're right, bidets don't have seats like toilets,
so may most of your "rides" be in warm places. If your unit is the kind that
sprays up from the basin, then it's pretty much an auto-wash, and dry-off with
a towel. Some bidets fill up like sinks that require the washee to do a little
more work. If used properly, your body should keep the water in the bidet where
it belongs.
As we learned in the last episode, new bidets nowadays are often built into
conventional toilets — a one-stop shopping feature especially helpful for
people who aren't mobile enough to be jumping from one "throne" to the next.
Giddy up,
February 15, 2002
Alice,
Too bad Hey, what's a bidet? and Okay,
but how do you sit on a bidet? weren't posted on the wall of my hotel bathroom
in Norway back in 1974 when I was ten, and when my Norwegian father and I (an
American) vacationed there. Shortly after discovering that "thing" next to the
toilet, I turned it on and washed my face in it. It was the right height for
a little kid to wash up before dinner, but thanks to my father's horror upon
entering the bathroom while I was in mid-wash, I quickly learned that bidets
were for little "heads," not big ones.
So, I guess that I'm one answer to anyone who read these questions and thought, "Who in their right mind would stick anything but their genitals in something that looks, feels, and sits next to a... toilet?"