Dear Alice,
I found your website today and it was a relief to find so many people suffering from the same thing I felt I was suffering from but was not sure. I usually feel alone...
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My girlfriend has a terrible obsession with picking her face. It is not that she has bad skin or acne, but, when she is in a certain state, she will stand in front of the mirror for hours and pick her face to shreds. It leaves her with horrible sores and open cuts covering her face. One day, she will be fine, and the next day, she will look like a war casualty. After she does this, she feels that she has to hide for days.
Aside from these concentrated sessions in front of the mirror, she is constantly picking her face while she is studying or reading or talking on the phone. Often, the state of her picked face affects our plans -- for example, she may not come with me to see my family even though we had planned to go together. When she is particularly self-conscious about it, she forbids me to look at her. She will cover her face with her hand or hair if I am even gazing anywhere near her. It is hard to communicate when I cannot see her face, and it affects our kissing and other intimacy.
We are very close and have been together for two years. We have talked about this many times and it does not seem like there has been any change. Mostly, I have been supportive by listening to her and comforting her. But, at times, I have been upset and have let her know. Some of her family members do not hesitate to be cruel to her when she "looks like shit." But she is well aware of her problem, but cannot seem to stop. She has had this obsession for over three years, and it is really making her miserable, and is making me wonder if it will ever go away on its own.
We have talked about the possibility of some kind of therapy, but she does not feel that it could help. She seems to be terrified of having to see any kind of therapist. I feel that somewhere inside, she needs to stay feeling miserable even though she is clearly genuine when she is cursing the terrible life this habit makes for her.
I have every intention of staying with her, but I feel that her obsession and the self-consciousness and misery that come with it are keeping us from getting closer. How can I have more of a role in affecting some kind of change in this? I feel that there are things that I have no control over, but they affect me and the one I love deeply.
—No pock marks
What you are describing is a basic compulsive disorder. Compulsions fall under the rubric of anxiety disorders. Remember that fear is a basic and useful human emotion — it provides motivation for self-protection and learning to cope with new or dangerous situations. Only when fear is out of proportion to real danger can it be considered a problem, and this seems to be what's happening to your girlfriend. Anxiety is another word for fear, referring especially to a feeling of fear that is not directed toward any definite threat. When anxiety is experienced almost daily, or is related to life situations that recur and cannot be avoided, it becomes an anxiety disorder. Compulsions, such as excessive face picking and hair pulling, are repetitive actions, difficult to resist actions, and often associated with obsessions (recurrent, unwanted thoughts or impulses).
Treatment for compulsions range from medications to psychological interventions that concentrate on a person's conscious or unconscious thoughts or overt behavior. Fill your girlfriend in on this when she says she doesn't think therapy will help — there are so many therapeutic models that she is sure to find one that will help her overcome her face picking. Strongly encourage your girlfriend to see a therapist. Finding a good therapist — someone you can trust and believe you can learn from — is important. You can offer to go with her to keep her company at her appointment, and/or meet her up afterward. Make her feel safe in the knowledge that you support her. It's commendable that you are willing to stick with her through this; it's also important that she get some help so that she can regain control over her own life. If you are at Columbia, call Counseling and Psychological Services (CPS) at x4-2878 for an appointment.
Dear Alice,
I found your website today and it was a relief to find so many people suffering from the same thing I felt I was suffering from but was not sure. I usually feel alone...
Dear Alice,
I found your website today and it was a relief to find so many people suffering from the same thing I felt I was suffering from but was not sure. I usually feel alone because it is a devastating disease which leads me to be antisocial in my personal life and at work. I have been seeing a dermatologist and have undergone some procedures in hopes of starting me on the right path. All of your readers had great suggestions about methods to help stop the compulsiveness. I too look in the mirror several times a day and cannot seem to stop. As long as I keep busy, I do not think about picking or looking in the mirror. I recently told my husband and my father what was going on with me and I got total support, especially from my husband. He goes to all appointments with me and constantly encourages me to fight this problem. If it weren't for him, I do not know what I would do. I will keep reading your website and feel that it can be somewhat therapeutic to hear that others are dealing with the same problem.
Hi everyone,
I am in my early twenties and have been picking for ten years! In many ways, my acne has dictated my life. My skin is only clear for maybe one week a month and the rest of the...
Hi everyone,
I am in my early twenties and have been picking for ten years! In many ways, my acne has dictated my life. My skin is only clear for maybe one week a month and the rest of the time I WILL NOT go out because I am ashamed of my face. I feel like everyone looks at my skin and knows I pick at it. I wish I could stop but I do it automatically.
I have tried every kind of reasoning from "I'll just scratch the white head off" to "I'll just flatten the bump" to "I'll only pick the bad ones" to going "cold turkey" and nothing seems to work. I can't stand bumps on my face. If I don't pick I will touch the spot all day until I actually pick.
I think it is compulsive because before I had acne, I would pick off my scabs. I also hate seeing my pores filled, and I release them even if there's no bumps present. I have done enough research to know that I'm just making it worse, but I can't seem to stop! I sympathize with everyone inflicted with this condition.
Alice,
I too have had this disorder for a long time, almost ten years, I believe. It is a struggle that continues. I go through periods where I get better and, of course, through those...
Alice,
I too have had this disorder for a long time, almost ten years, I believe. It is a struggle that continues. I go through periods where I get better and, of course, through those where I cannot seem to stop destroying my face. I just want to be free from wearing make-up every day. I am ashamed of my face sometimes.
I am steadily defeating my compulsion despite my periodic setbacks. I find that,...
Alice,
I'm a 27 year-old from the UK who typed in 'face picking' half expecting a cosmetic surgery site to appear, which would let me pick my new face!...
Alice,
I'm a 27 year-old from the UK who typed in 'face picking' half expecting a cosmetic surgery site to appear, which would let me pick my new face! However, I was amazed to find people, like me, who also picked at their faces.
I have been doing this since I was a teenager, convinced my face is full of pus, bumps, and spots that only I can see. I...
Dear Alice,
I'm stunned that my situation is shared by so many. Reading these entries has helped me realize that I have a serious problem, and that I am not alone. I notice when I pick it's...
Dear Alice,
I'm stunned that my situation is shared by so many. Reading these entries has helped me realize that I have a serious problem, and that I am not alone. I notice when I pick it's usually when I am stressed out, anxious, or bored. I'm not a perfectionist by nature but when I am in that "zone" I feel the need to purge my pores of everything that's in them to get "clean." It is, as...
Hi Alice!
Everyone has guessed it by now. Me too. Picking, squeezing, scratching, ... anything to get the horrid stuff off my face and of course, the more I pick, the messier it gets. Each...
Hi Alice!
Everyone has guessed it by now. Me too. Picking, squeezing, scratching, ... anything to get the horrid stuff off my face and of course, the more I pick, the messier it gets. Each time I pick at one, I am convinced that its the last one standing between me and a flawless face. It never works that way, but an observant and understanding boyfriend helps. Without knowing any fancy names, he figured that...
Dear Alice,
I am twenty-one and have been suffering from dermatillomania for about seven years. I wore long pants even before I started, so no one has noticed the scars on my leg, except my...
Dear Alice,
I am twenty-one and have been suffering from dermatillomania for about seven years. I wore long pants even before I started, so no one has noticed the scars on my leg, except my doctor. She gave me the 'domestic abuse' survey once, and as my family life is perfectly normal, the scars were never mentioned again. I don't wear tank tops in public, I don't own anything that shows my back, I can't wear...
I have been picking since I was 12, about when my parents got divorced. As a teen, I begged my mom to take me to a dermatologist and get me treatment; she said it was just hormones...
I have been picking since I was 12, about when my parents got divorced. As a teen, I begged my mom to take me to a dermatologist and get me treatment; she said it was just hormones. At 25, I am still suffering from these 'hormones.' I am tired of feeling like a monster so I looked to the Internet. First, I typed in homemade masks for acne treatment... After a strange trip to the store for various...
I am 20-years-old and I, too, have been suffering from this problem for about three years. I also do not have bad skin, but rather inflict these horrible things upon myself and...
I am 20-years-old and I, too, have been suffering from this problem for about three years. I also do not have bad skin, but rather inflict these horrible things upon myself and create marks on my face. I have been diagnosed with OCD and was at one time on medication to help me with my obsessions. The main reason that I seeked medical help was because of my obsessive face picking, which at one point was...
This topic and this article really helped me a lot. At least I realized I'm not alone like everyone else. I'm in my twenties and my skin is really good, that's what the dermatologist...
This topic and this article really helped me a lot. At least I realized I'm not alone like everyone else. I'm in my twenties and my skin is really good, that's what the dermatologist said, too, but I'm an obsessive face-picker. The habit is ruining my life. Sometimes I, too, lock myself up for at least a couple weeks, till my scars heal, and just don't leave my house. I call in sick and don't show up at...
I am fifteen-years-old and have been picking at my face for maybe five years now. It's really hard because I have darker skin and it scars really badly. I know that picking at my face is...
I am fifteen-years-old and have been picking at my face for maybe five years now. It's really hard because I have darker skin and it scars really badly. I know that picking at my face is why I look so bad, but I seem to have no control over it. It's like I have to squeeze it all out, and dig and pick until there is no sign of the zit left, just a bloody mess. And of course, the kids at my high school are just...
I really can't believe this. I knew there was something that would not let me stop, but I was ashamed and had no idea it was a real obsessive behavior. My face and neck have had...
I really can't believe this. I knew there was something that would not let me stop, but I was ashamed and had no idea it was a real obsessive behavior. My face and neck have had sores (the same sore) that would last 6 months because I continued to pick at it. I visited this site for something completely different, but I am so excited to have read this. Thank you.
I would also like to thank you for your posting on obsessive face picking. I, too, suffer from it, as well as hair pulling....
I would also like to thank you for your posting on obsessive face picking. I, too, suffer from it, as well as hair pulling. I'm currently seeking help for drug addiction, as well, and I feel extremely overwhelmed and hopeless. I've tried having people in the bathroom with me at night while washing my face, and that didn't help. But I want to thank...
Wow. Wow. Wow. I also typed in "face picking," like many of your readers, and boy was I stunned to find out that I am not the only person who does this. I can stand for hours (I MEAN IT)...
Wow. Wow. Wow. I also typed in "face picking," like many of your readers, and boy was I stunned to find out that I am not the only person who does this. I can stand for hours (I MEAN IT) in my bathroom mirror just hacking away at my skin. I'm eighteen-years-old and I have been doing it since I can remember, usually when I've had a stressful day or have felt excessively self-conscious about my skin. I don't...
Like so many people who have written in here, I have been a picker for as long as I can remember. I'm almost 38. My mom does it, my sister does it, and now I see my 2-year-old son's...
Like so many people who have written in here, I have been a picker for as long as I can remember. I'm almost 38. My mom does it, my sister does it, and now I see my 2-year-old son's fingers sometimes scratch at his face for no apparent reason when I'm reading to him. It seems to me to have a genetic component, but I've seen about 10 counselors/psychiatrists over the course of a lifetime and no one has...
My comment on OBSESSIVE FACE PICKING:
The photographic evidence of when I started picking at my face is in my pre-...
My comment on OBSESSIVE FACE PICKING:
The photographic evidence of when I started picking at my face is in my pre-school pictures, almost all of them. I finally got some help beyond "well stop picking at yourself" when I saw a good Psychologist (for anxious depression), who recommended a sympathetic Dermatologist. The Lexapro I am taking...
This letter is in response to face picking in general. I have had this problem for over 30 years. Yes! That is true. I have had to use a concealer every day for over 30 years. I have...
This letter is in response to face picking in general. I have had this problem for over 30 years. Yes! That is true. I have had to use a concealer every day for over 30 years. I have been married for 18 years and recently went to a dermatologist for a non-related problem and during a follow-up visit asked the dermatologist if he could help me clear up my skin. To my amazement and embarrassment, he...
I just reread the letter from the man who has the girlfriend with the obsessive face picking habit. The first time it nearly moved me to tears because I have the same problem. Now I...
I just reread the letter from the man who has the girlfriend with the obsessive face picking habit. The first time it nearly moved me to tears because I have the same problem. Now I am writing in hopes to help her and also myself because I think it may help just to acknowledge the problem. This is the first time I have really done so.
Here are a couple of things that have helped me in the past:...
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