Normal to like phone sex?

Originally Published: November 1, 1993 - Last Updated / Reviewed On: February 19, 2010
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Dear Alice,

I love to have phone sex, but I always feel guilty after the conversation. Am I some sort of a deviant because I like listening to women playing with themselves? Also, do you know of any group of Columbia women who are into not-for-profit phone sex? Is there any such exchange available?

—Looking for phone sex!

Dear Looking for phone sex!,

They say a person's most sensitive erogenous zone is the brain. And nothing stimulates the brain like sexy lingo. Phone sex is a safe, healthy, and fun way to get off. Not to mention, it's a great way to practice communicating your sexual desires and fantasies. Creative dirty-talk is an essential skill that can come in handy in person, as well as over the phone. The guilt you describe is very common, but know there's nothing wrong with phone sex, as long as the person on the other end of the conversation is consenting. In the age of cell phones and STIs, phone sex is one of the safest forms of sex one can have.

As far as a phone sex line on-campus is concerned, you'll likely need to look beyond the University gates. One place to check for phone sex opportunities (paid or for free) is online. You might try an online classified site or even an online dating site to find willing partners. Weekly newspapers also often have ads for phone lines in the back: gay, straight, and lots of sexual themes can be found. Know that the paid lines can get a little pricey and often require a credit card.  

The paid phone-sex industry offers several stimulating options that allow callers to:

  • Listen to a sexually explicit recorded message.
  • Speak live to a phone sex worker who will share fantasies tailored to your desires.
  • Talk on a party line with one or several other callers who get each other off as a group.

Many enjoy the anonymity of a phone exchange. If cost is a concern, it may be possible to find other people (non-professionals) interested in having similar conversations. Look for ads or place one yourself! But when dealing with ads online, a couple of these safety tips:

  • Avoid posting your photo in an ad that anyone can see — save it for emailing an individual who responds to you that you are interested in.
  • Trust your gut — if someone you are emailing or chatting with starts to make you feel uncomfortable, it is ok to cease communication.
  • If you decide to meet in person, find a well-lit, public place for your first meeting and tell at least one friend where you'll be and with whom.
  • Do not reveal personal information in a screen name and do not reveal things in ads you wouldn't be comfortable having lots of folks know about you.

Also, a few tips to prepare you for phone sex with a stranger (paid or unpaid):

  • Have a sense of what you want to talk about beforehand. Especially when calling a phone sex line, knowing the direction you want to go ahead of time will save you money, since the phone sex worker won't have to spend as much time trying to figure out what you want.
  • Practice finding your sexy voice. Practicing a bit beforehand can get you in the mood and help you feel less self-conscious when you're in the moment.
  • Masturbating while on the call is common and can be fun (and the point of the whole thing for many people).

Once you've done the research and are in the mood, go ahead and dial a number — if you're not having fun, remember you can just hang up. Happy chatting!

Alice