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Yet again, another question about intercourse and (female) orgasms. I am 25 and have been having intercourse for about 1 1/2 years and have never experienced even the remotest possibility of climaxing from intercourse. Intercourse does NOTHING for me. I've read the Hite Report, I know it claims that only 30% of women orgasm from intercourse alone; however, most women who say they don't orgasm from intercourse say that they at least receive some arousal or stimulation or pleasure from the sensation--it just doesn't lead them to orgasm. However, I have never received the SLIGHTEST sexual pleasure from intercourse--and it's making me so unhappy and desperate that I feel I'm going insane. --Searching for pleasure
Dear Searching for pleasure,
Unlike the typical images in movies, on TV, and in other media, the search for orgasm and sexual pleasure takes more than just a few minutes. A majority of women report that intercourse alone just doesn't do it for them, and though it may seem exhausting to search and search and still come up empty handed, finding the fuse to light those fireworks takes some patience.
Various factors such as age as well as you and your partner's sexual experience play an important role. The vaginal canal has very few nerve endings so it's not uncommon to feel little or no stimulation from penetration, though it may promote a satisfying feeling of fullness or closeness with your partner. The clitoris is the magic button, but with many sexual positions, it's often left out of the equation. Furthermore, it often takes women longer than men to become aroused, which highlights the importance of foreplay to get you in the mood.
Remember when having sex to lube up and do whatever gives YOU the most pleasure, understanding that it may take time to learn exactly what that is. Sometimes you might feel open and ready for intercourse immediately, more often you will want your partner to first touch, rub, kiss, or lick your vulva and clitoris, using his hands, mouth, or penis (you could even try doing this yourself!). Certain positions for intercourse will feel more exciting to you than others, and may differ each time you have sex. The "man on top" is not a "naturally" better position. You can sit or lie on him, or lie side by side. Sit up, facing him, with your legs over his and his penis in you, or he can enter you from behind and reach around to caress your clitoris. If you like deep penetration and pressure on your cervix, then choose positions that make this more possible.
If you are not ready for orgasm and the man is highly aroused when you begin intercourse, he might reach orgasm too soon for you if he moves back and forth inside you and you move your pelvis against his quickly. Both of you can slow your movements until you start to become more excited. Experiment with holding your bodies still for a time when he enters you, and then begin to move together slowly. Moving slowly can help men learn to delay ejaculation, which has the potential to make intercourse more pleasurable for both of you.
Communicate with words or movements what feels best to you. It's possible that the men that you've been sexual with have been inexperienced and/or not conscious of your body and pleasuring you. Try to take your time and be assertive about your needs in sex, instead of waiting for some magic to make the intercourse pleasurable. You are not alone in your frustration so take some time to read through the Related Q&As below to learn about other possible barriers as well as ideas to overcome them. The search may take you a little while, but be proactive about your pleasure and see what happens!!
