No orgasms with intercourse (male)
Originally Published: January 19, 1995
I have been going out with the same woman for several years and our relationship has never been better. However, lately I can only have an orgasm when she performs oral sex - never, during sex. It used to be the case that upon entering her vagina I would ejaculate almost prematurely, but now I can't seem to ejaculate at all. Do you have any suggestions or thoughts on how I might cure my little problem?
Dear Vaginally-Ejactorally Challenged,
This may just be a sexual phase that you are going through where your body is responding differently to sexual desire and stimulation. Your inability to ejaculate during vaginal intercourse could also be directly related to something happening in your relationship, or with you personally. Common reasons why men have problems ejaculating during intercourse are: anxiety about their sexual performance, feeling unconnected to their partner, or personal issues of being preoccupied, or feeling vulnerable.
One suggestion for making a smooth transition to ejaculating during intercourse is to have your partner stimulate you manually or orally until the point that you are close to having an orgasm. Then, quickly insert your penis into her vagina and continue the sexual act until you orgasm. You may also want to try to figure out what happens during oral sex that makes you orgasm, and try to incorporate it into vaginal intercourse. During oral sex, is your partner moving slowly, and gently? Do you experience deeper penetration with oral sex? Do you fantasize differently with oral sex? Whatever it is, try to emulate those sensations during intercourse. Talk to your partner, try to figure this out and experiment together. She may also have some great suggestions!