No orgasms for girlfriend

Originally Published: December 4, 1995 - Last Updated / Reviewed On: July 13, 1998
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Hi, I'm not from the USA, so you may call me "the foreigner boy." I'm a twenty-year-old male... I have a lovely nice nineteen-and-a half--year-old girlfriend for the past two years and I love her very much! We've started making love after six months we've been together and we had oral sex since the very beginning of the relationship. My girlfriend was a virgin before we met and me too. The problem is that: She never reaches orgasm! We really did try it all... it's very very disturbing because she doesn't understand what's the BIG DEAL??? And I really really want her to have orgasms but she just can't reach it.... We really did try it ALL!

She tried to masturbate alone a few times and still had the same feeling... I don't say she doesn't have fun but she never really reaches the Peak! It seems as if she is stopping herself from having orgasm. Any secret I haven't read or heard about could be helpful! Thank you for your time!

--Foreigner Boy

Dear Foreigner Boy,

It is not unusual for a young woman in the beginning of her sexual life to be pre-orgasmic. In fact, it is not unusual for many women to be pre-orgasmic for much of their lives. With all the hype around orgasm, those women who don't orgasm feel like they're missing something. Women can try to reach orgasm by masturbating, reading books about it, asking a partner to help, or attending a preorgasmic women's group. It's important, though, that orgasm doesn't become a performance pressure for your girlfriend. The fact that she still enjoys sex and being intimate with you without orgasming is a good sign. Familiarizing herself with what orgasms are like for women, and reading a few good books might help, and when she and her body are ready, the time will come. Two good books are For Yourself: The Fulfillment of Female Sexuality by Lonnie G. Barbach and Sex for One: The Joy of Self-Loving by Betty Dodson. Also, see the following questions in Alice's Sexuality archives for more information: No orgasms with intercourse (female), Difference between clitoral and vaginal orgasm, No stimulation from intercourse, Easing orgasms for women, and Am I having an orgasm?.