No orgasm with intercourse (female)

Originally Published: March 15, 1996 - Last Updated / Reviewed On: November 13, 2014
Share this
Dear Alice,

Well, okay. This is my problem. My boyfriend and I have been sexually active for about three months. I enjoy making love to him very much, but intercourse doesn't give me any pleasure. He can easily bring me to orgasm through oral sex, but I don't feel any pleasure from regular sex. NONE! Sometimes I can't even tell if he's inside of me or not. I feel so bad about it, and we've been trying to find some information that might help us, but there isn't any. Why is this happening? It isn't like I don't know how to have an orgasm; I do, I've masturbated so I know what to do, but nothing works for intercourse. Can you help me?

Dear Reader,

It seems as if you and your partner are on a treasure hunt — or shall we say, pleasure hunt! Before we get down to business, your ability to have an orgasm through oral sex and masturbation may be able to teach you a big lesson. What about these two activities turns you on the most? Perhaps your partner could incorporate some of your favorite things from masturbation and oral sex into your intercourse routine. Sharing your most tantalizing tips may produce some riveting results!

On to the anatomy: the vaginal walls contain relatively few nerve endings. Only the lower third of the vagina has enough nerve endings to feel stimulation from a penis, finger, sex toy, or other penetrative object. This can make intense sexual stimulation, pleasure, and orgasm from vaginal-only penetration unlikely.

A woman's sexual pleasure mostly comes (pun intended) from stimulation to the clitoris. The clitoris is highly sensitive and full of nerve endings. In fact, there are as many nerve endings in the tip of the clitoris as there are in a man's penis! The following tips may help you and your partner increase your clitoral stimulation (and your pleasure, too):

  • Ask your partner to touch, rub, caress, and/or press your clitoris with his fingers, whether before, during, or after sex. You can guide him by placing your fingers over his fingers or hand, and pressing the spots you like in the motion and frequency that makes you go wild. You can try using your own fingers during sex, too.
  • Add a few drops of lube to reduce friction and give a more sensual feel. Remember, it's better when it's wetter!
  • Try a variety of sex positions where your clitoris might be further stimulated. For example, the woman-on-top position has more potential for clitoral stimulation than the missionary position. On top, you can have more control over the amount of stimulation, rhythm, and pacing. You can move your hips to reach his pubic bone, or he can change the angle of his hips. He can also enter you from behind and reach around to caress your clitoris. If you like deep penetration and pressure on your cervix, then choose positions that make this more possible. Get creative! Certain sex positions may feel more exciting to you than others, and this may differ each time you have sex.
  • Incorporate sex toys into your sex play. Some women enjoy using a vibrator, either alone or with a partner, to stimulate their clitoris during sex.
  • Read up! Books such as She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman, by Ian Kerner, Because It Feels Good: A Women's Guide to Sexual Pleasure and Satisfaction, by Debby Herbenick, and The Clitoral Truth: The Secret World at Your Fingertips, by Rebecca Chalker, can provide more information.

Remember, if you love making love with your partner, there is no need to be dismayed by your lack of vaginal sensation or pleasure during intercourse. Instead, if you wish, you can view and use sex play as an opportunity for you and your partner to experiment with and learn from your bodies. Either way, it is important to let your partner know, either verbally or by demonstrating, what turns you on the most. Take the time to learn exactly what that is. What fun you can have on the road to success!

Alice

June 27, 2008

21454

To the reader:

I have found a vibrating cock ring will solve this problem in most cases, and bring a little excitement to the bedroom.

To the reader:

I have found a vibrating cock ring will solve this problem in most cases, and bring a little excitement to the bedroom.