Nineteen-year-old virgin

Originally Published: January 19, 1995 - Last Updated / Reviewed On: June 27, 2008
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Dear Alice,

I am almost nineteen and a virgin. I have had the opportunity to have sex, but have been holding out for that special person who I know exists somewhere. Sometimes I feel like a freak, though, like I have a problem. Should I just give up the wait, or give in to my hormones?

—Virginal

Dear Virginal,

This is a question that only you can answer for yourself. There is no right or wrong age to lose your virginity, and while you may think that every other nineteen-year-old is sexually active, it is not the case. At other times in this century, premarital chastity was the norm, and many did not marry until their thirties, if at all. While your inexperience may be atypical in the nineties, it is not abnormal. You need to decide for yourself when, with whom, and how you will have your first sex. There is no judgment, but from yourself, upon any aspect of this future experience. Do what seems "right" to you.

Alice

June 9, 2008

21456
To the reader:

Being virgin isn't a crime. I think sex is something that you should do with a people you really love, and of course, he/she has to love you too. If you're not ready, your boyfriend...

To the reader:

Being virgin isn't a crime. I think sex is something that you should do with a people you really love, and of course, he/she has to love you too. If you're not ready, your boyfriend should respect you. Individuality is good. Being confident is all you need. You don't have to tell everyone you're a virgin if you're not comfortable talking about it.

February 22, 2007

21193
Dear Virginal,

Nothing shameful about being 19 and a virgin. I actually commend you for it because it means you are making the mature decision to wait until you are ready instead of jumping in the...

Dear Virginal,

Nothing shameful about being 19 and a virgin. I actually commend you for it because it means you are making the mature decision to wait until you are ready instead of jumping in the sack with the first person available.

Good for you.

May 18, 2006

21074

Alice,

I, too, am suffering inside from the results of lying to people about my virginity. I'm 21 years old and still a virgin. I lie about it because I don't want people to be weirded out...

Alice,

I, too, am suffering inside from the results of lying to people about my virginity. I'm 21 years old and still a virgin. I lie about it because I don't want people to be weirded out or worse, laugh at me. However, in gaining the approval of my peers through lies, I'm hurting inside deeply. I feel like a fraud. Especially when I'm in college where it seems like everyone is having sex except me. Being shy and introverted doesn't help much either. I also have a great deal of self esteem issues. I'm trying my best to overcome. Either way I am in an great deal of emotional pain. If things do not get better I may consider seeing a therapist.

March 2, 2006

21016

Alice,

RE: Nineteen year-old virgin

I can see how she'd feel like a freak. I'm 20 and still a virgin and get teased about it mercilessly by most of my guy friends, by the way all...

Alice,

RE: Nineteen year-old virgin

I can see how she'd feel like a freak. I'm 20 and still a virgin and get teased about it mercilessly by most of my guy friends, by the way all whom have propositioned me for sex, and I sometimes feel like a freak too. It seems like everyone is having sex or is at least ready to have sex. I believe that you shouldn't do something that you know feels wrong in your heart. There is a reason I've never had sex, it's just something my mind keeps telling me I'm not ready for. I'm pretty sure she's experiencing the same thoughts and emotions I am.

January 27, 2006

20999

Alice,

RE: Nineteen-year-old virgin 

I'm 21 years old, and I just started having sex in February. I too, wanted to wait for that special person, and I also felt the same way...

Alice,

RE: Nineteen-year-old virgin 

I'm 21 years old, and I just started having sex in February. I too, wanted to wait for that special person, and I also felt the same way you did. However, when my boyfriend and I made love for the first time, I knew it was worth it - I gave my virginity to the man I love, and the knowledge of that has made him so happy...and me as well. Trust me hon, the wait IS worth it:)

November 4, 2005

20963
Dear Alice,

I just lost my virginity and I'm 19, truuuuust me, sometimes you just want to say the hell with it, especially if you're particularly waiting for marriage. However, i think it's much...

Dear Alice,

I just lost my virginity and I'm 19, truuuuust me, sometimes you just want to say the hell with it, especially if you're particularly waiting for marriage. However, i think it's much more enjoyable and less painless if you have someone you care about do it gently. He'll come along. Another reason why you should wait until you find someone is that, maybe, you might really, really like it, like i did. Depending on your mind frame, you might want someone you're going to be with for a long time so that you can experiment all the things you're going to be thinking about, instead of trying with different partners... But hey, it's all up to you!

August 2, 2005

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alice,

i dunno how many of the replies you have had are from male virgins. but i'm 21 and a male virgin. i can fully relate to your situation. in fact, as i am writing this, i have just got home...

alice,

i dunno how many of the replies you have had are from male virgins. but i'm 21 and a male virgin. i can fully relate to your situation. in fact, as i am writing this, i have just got home from an evening of drinks and sexual discussions with my mates. There is a tremendous pressure on people these days to lose their virginity. i have had a few offers but never 'done the deed' as i wasn't ready and wanted to wait for a secure relationship. Although having said that, i am currently suffering inside by lying to my mates to claim that i am not a virgin.

i'm a very confused and screwed up individual, but i hope my tale of struggle somehow helps you and you realise that you are not alone through this.

March 7, 2005

20863
hi alice,

don't worry about if you are a virgin or not. it does not make you a bad person; it just means you are not ready yet, which is cool. the guy i'm married to was a virgin when i met him...

hi alice,

don't worry about if you are a virgin or not. it does not make you a bad person; it just means you are not ready yet, which is cool. the guy i'm married to was a virgin when i met him and he was 30-years-old. the reason why is he wanted it to be something he gave to his one true love. and also, you don't know who may have something! and i don't think anyone would like to get something just so that they are not a virgin anymore. you should wait until you are ready or until you find THE ONE!

February 14, 2005

20862
Alice,

Wow, I can't believe a 19-year-old is freaking out because she/he hasn't lost his/her virginity. I guess it's all due to the pressure your friends put on you, as well as what you and all...

Alice,

Wow, I can't believe a 19-year-old is freaking out because she/he hasn't lost his/her virginity. I guess it's all due to the pressure your friends put on you, as well as what you and all of us see on movies and TV. Don't feel pressured, however, to lose your virginity. Wait until the right person comes along and you feel emotionally ready (which doesn't necessarily mean that you must be in love with that person) to have sex for the first time. I'm a 26-year-old virgin (and certainly not even close to a freak physically or mentally!), and yes, I've done lots of fooling around. I won't lie to you; I've just, like you, felt insecure and pressured about my virginity and its worth. I have realized over the past years, however, that none of those guys I've dated/been with have deserved to be my first. Therefore, until the right man comes along, I will hold out. Sex for the first time is too meaningful to have it just because you think you have to, because you don't.

February 1, 2005

20852
Dear Alice,

My husband and I are in our mid-20s and were both virgins when we married (just a few short months ago! ) She's not a freak, she's unique! ;-) Enjoy your individuality, girl! :-)

Dear Alice,

My husband and I are in our mid-20s and were both virgins when we married (just a few short months ago! ) She's not a freak, she's unique! ;-) Enjoy your individuality, girl! :-)

January 11, 2005

20848
Dear Alice,

I am a 19-year-old male and I am still a virgin, too. I think it would be better to wait till marraige to have sex and lose my virginity, maybe for some religious reasons, and all...

Dear Alice,

I am a 19-year-old male and I am still a virgin, too. I think it would be better to wait till marraige to have sex and lose my virginity, maybe for some religious reasons, and all people in my family, men and women, stay virgins till marriage due to our oriental heritages. I sometimes feel bad about it, especially when I spend some nice moments with my girlfriend, but I think this is an advantage because I would be more mature and more responsible if something goes wrong in our relationship. I admit I can't hold the responsibility in case she gets pregnant.

November 9, 2004

20816
Alice,

I can respond and say I would not worry either. I'm 21 and I'm a virgin, as well. I, too, have had options to have sex, but have chose not to. I am not ready myself. I am not ashamed of...

Alice,

I can respond and say I would not worry either. I'm 21 and I'm a virgin, as well. I, too, have had options to have sex, but have chose not to. I am not ready myself. I am not ashamed of this fact. As Alice says, when you know it's the right time, you'll know. I also say don't worry, as sometimes I feel the same way, too. Like I'm behind. I also have some crazy hormones, as well. lol. I have younger active friends, and I have slightly older friends already having children. :O Everyone is different in their choices.

October 1, 2004

20800
Alice,

I'm a nineteen-year-old who's going on twenty and I'm still a virgin. I haven't even had the chance to lose it. Even if I had, I don`t think I would. Be thankful that you know you could if...

Alice,

I'm a nineteen-year-old who's going on twenty and I'm still a virgin. I haven't even had the chance to lose it. Even if I had, I don`t think I would. Be thankful that you know you could if you wanted to. Just do what's right for you.

A virgin girl

August 20, 2004

20742
Hi Alice,

I'm twenty-five and I am still a virgin. I am very outgoing and athletic, and you know what? One of my friends when I was younger told me not to tell any guy I was seeing or they would...

Hi Alice,

I'm twenty-five and I am still a virgin. I am very outgoing and athletic, and you know what? One of my friends when I was younger told me not to tell any guy I was seeing or they would go on a campaign to have me lose it. Through an accident, all of the guys in my athletic community found out last year. You would NOT believe the level of respect and affection that I get from them now. Of course, many of them hit on me, too, but never doubt that boys are incredibly protective and joyful when I am in their midst — I am like a unicorn. I can pick and choose and probably find one who wants to marry me, too, if that's what I want. Never believe the stereotype about the stupid jock that thinks that every girl is a cocktease if she doesn't put out. It couldn't be farther than the truth.

I am turning twenty-six in October, and I can't WAIT to be a twenty-six-year-old virgin if I don't meet someone I want to be with. It's my badge of honour.

Canadian girl who loves Alice!

June 4, 2004

20741
Dear Alice,

Dear Virginal,

There's no age that's too old, or an age when you ought to give up, or an age when a partner shouldn't recognize how important your first time is. What you...

Dear Alice,

Dear Virginal,

There's no age that's too old, or an age when you ought to give up, or an age when a partner shouldn't recognize how important your first time is. What you will encounter, however, is that the older you get, the more likely it is that your partners or potential partners will have had more sexual experience than you (especially if you're meeting them within a rowdy college scene). Someone who loves you will still let it be your decision, will wait for you, and will be there for you throughout all the feelings that come with sex. I'm 21, and I just lost my virginity to my 23-year-old boyfriend. I've known him for six months, and had very little sexual experience before I started dating him (and less than he had had). I wanted to be sure I was ready, and that it felt right and safe, and that we really loved one another and would take care of one another. By all means, wait as long as feels right. I'm so glad it was him, and that it was now. Hold out. One last word of advice — it's right not to treat sex as casual, but be careful of letting it go over to the other extreme. Sex is not divine, and it's not even the most important thing in a relationship. It will only augment what's there already; it's worthy of your reverence, but never worship or terror by itself.

May 9, 2004

20622
Dear Alice, Regarding Nineteen-Year-Old Virgin: Guess what? I'm a twenty-nine-year-old guy, and I'm still a virgin, too. I'd have lots of chances, but I know what I want —...
Dear Alice, Regarding Nineteen-Year-Old Virgin: Guess what? I'm a twenty-nine-year-old guy, and I'm still a virgin, too. I'd have lots of chances, but I know what I want — to be married before I have sex. When I'm dating someone long-term, we may "fool-around," but it's always done within the parameters that my partner and I have discussed. And you know what else? I don't care if I am the only man left alive to abstain from sex until marriage. It just isn't something that I should be embarrassed about.

May 9, 2004

20623
Hi Alice, I'm responding to the Nineteen-year-old virgin who feels like a freak. Good Grief! There are cart loads of people out there who stay virgins well into their 20s...
Hi Alice, I'm responding to the Nineteen-year-old virgin who feels like a freak. Good Grief! There are cart loads of people out there who stay virgins well into their 20s and/or wait until marriage. There is a huge religious community of people who do this for moral and religious reasons. I was one of them. Didn't make it till marriage, but had no sexual experience until I was 28, intercourse or otherwise. I had convictions. Tell her to lighten up on herself. Besides, it's best when you're in love, not under pressure.

April 23, 1999

20323
Hi Alice! Just happened to bump into your page and I must say that there are a lot of interesting articles and comments. I am surprised, though, that a nineteen-year-old should worry that s/he's a...
Hi Alice! Just happened to bump into your page and I must say that there are a lot of interesting articles and comments. I am surprised, though, that a nineteen-year-old should worry that s/he's a freak because s/he's still a virgin. I'm twenty-seven, have had several boyfriends/dates, whatever you might want to call them, and quite a number of close encounters. But I've held out until now, and I don't think I'm a freak. It's just about personal choice. So whoever the nineteen-year-old might be, please don't worry yourself unnecessarily. -Observer