Nineteen-year-old virgin

Alice,

RE: Nineteen-year-old virgin 

I'm 21 years old, and I just started having sex in February. I too, wanted to wait for that special person, and I also felt the same way you did. However, when my boyfriend and I made love for the first time, I knew it was worth it - I gave my virginity to the man I love, and the knowledge of that has made him so happy...and me as well. Trust me hon, the wait IS worth it:)

i dunno how many of the replies you have had are from male virgins. but i'm 21 and a male virgin. i can fully relate to your situation. in fact, as i am writing this, i have just got home from an evening of drinks and sexual discussions with my mates. There is a tremendous pressure on people these days to lose their virginity. i have had a few offers but never 'done the deed' as i wasn't ready and wanted to wait for a secure relationship. Although having said that, i am currently suffering inside by lying to my mates to claim that i am not a virgin.

i'm a very confused and screwed up individual, but i hope my tale of struggle somehow helps you and you realise that you are not alone through this.

Wow, I can't believe a 19-year-old is freaking out because she/he hasn't lost his/her virginity. I guess it's all due to the pressure your friends put on you, as well as what you and all of us see on movies and TV. Don't feel pressured, however, to lose your virginity. Wait until the right person comes along and you feel emotionally ready (which doesn't necessarily mean that you must be in love with that person) to have sex for the first time. I'm a 26-year-old virgin (and certainly not even close to a freak physically or mentally!), and yes, I've done lots of fooling around. I won't lie to you; I've just, like you, felt insecure and pressured about my virginity and its worth. I have realized over the past years, however, that none of those guys I've dated/been with have deserved to be my first. Therefore, until the right man comes along, I will hold out. Sex for the first time is too meaningful to have it just because you think you have to, because you don't.

I am a 19-year-old male and I am still a virgin, too. I think it would be better to wait till marraige to have sex and lose my virginity, maybe for some religious reasons, and all people in my family, men and women, stay virgins till marriage due to our oriental heritages. I sometimes feel bad about it, especially when I spend some nice moments with my girlfriend, but I think this is an advantage because I would be more mature and more responsible if something goes wrong in our relationship. I admit I can't hold the responsibility in case she gets pregnant.

I'm a nineteen-year-old who's going on twenty and I'm still a virgin. I haven't even had the chance to lose it. Even if I had, I don`t think I would. Be thankful that you know you could if you wanted to. Just do what's right for you.

A virgin girl

Dear Virginal,

There's no age that's too old, or an age when you ought to give up, or an age when a partner shouldn't recognize how important your first time is. What you will encounter, however, is that the older you get, the more likely it is that your partners or potential partners will have had more sexual experience than you (especially if you're meeting them within a rowdy college scene). Someone who loves you will still let it be your decision, will wait for you, and will be there for you throughout all the feelings that come with sex. I'm 21, and I just lost my virginity to my 23-year-old boyfriend. I've known him for six months, and had very little sexual experience before I started dating him (and less than he had had). I wanted to be sure I was ready, and that it felt right and safe, and that we really loved one another and would take care of one another. By all means, wait as long as feels right. I'm so glad it was him, and that it was now. Hold out. One last word of advice — it's right not to treat sex as casual, but be careful of letting it go over to the other extreme. Sex is not divine, and it's not even the most important thing in a relationship. It will only augment what's there already; it's worthy of your reverence, but never worship or terror by itself.