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Hi Alice,
Why is it that, in all the movies and stuff about sex, it is always the woman who feels pressured? I felt pressured my first time and no one would believe me if I told them. Any comments would be helpful.
-- Sensitive guy
Dear Sensitive guy,
You bring up the beginnings of huge debate about gender stereotypes and societal norms in the United States and other countries. Alice has heard from, and knows, men who feel similar to the way you do about your first sexual experience, and often about subsequent sexual experiences. Contrary to commonly held beliefs that men are "too big," "too strong," "too much in control," or "too much into sex" to be pressured or forced into sex, it happens. Exact numbers are difficult to determine because of a lack of research and official records, and men's unwillingness to disclose it.
Alice would encourage both men and women to choose when or whether to have sex. Pressure from others can, and does, unfairly influence us in this decision. Also, once a person has chosen to have sex, this does not take away his/her right to say "no" at other times during his/her life. Saying "no" to sex often is a way of saying "yes" to ourselves.
Please see Alice's archived answer to Male rape possible? for further information. In New York City, if you need to talk, or want more information, call the New York City Gay and Lesbian Anti-Violence Project 24-hour Bilingual Hotline at 212.714.1141.
Your question alone helps a great deal in dispelling myths about men's sexuality. Thank you for writing.
