Living room littered with roommate's rubbersOriginally Published: April 18, 1997 - Last Updated / Reviewed On: March 16, 2009 |
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Alice,
I have a problem. The problem is my new roommate. We didn't know that he was gay when we asked him to be our roommate because he went out with girls before he moved in. After a month of living with us he started going to gay night at the local clubs and then found this guy. It is a week later and when my other roommate came home from seeing his girlfriend he found condoms all over the place. He didn't even clean up his mess! What should we do? We still have to live with him for another year.
-Help Us
Dear Help Us,
Sharing a space can certainly lead to some interesting experiences. Whether it's snacking on your groceries, forgetting about the dishes, or leaving around opened, used condoms (assuming that's what we're talking about), cohabitating can be challenge. Inconsiderate roomies come in all shapes, sizes, ...and sexualities. If you and your other roommate are bugged solely by the mess of rubber rubbish in your common living space, then initiating a face-to-face talk with the litterbug about your mutual needs for cohabiting in peace would likely be the best strategy for dealing with this issue.
On the other hand, if the two of you are uncomfortable with your new roommate's sexuality (and this could be the case based on the tone of your question), then the latex litter problem could be a minor symptom of a more serious issue: your discomfort with your roommate's desire to have sex with men. Or the roommate in question could be scattering his condom footprint in response to unspoken hostility that he's picking up from the two of you. Or maybe he's showing off because he's getting messages that he's inferior to you. Or perhaps this is his way of telling you who he is, and a roundabout way of getting to know you. Just a few thoughts to consider. Talking about sex or sexuality with a new person in your life could understandably be a little uncomfortable. You may want to take a look at: Help — My roommate's a lesbian! and From sharing closet space to coming out of the closet in the Relationships archives.
So what should you do? Communicate your concerns about the mess to your new roommate and be prepared to listen to his thoughts and feelings. You might all grow from this experience, good luck!
