I'm not very hand-y (or, how to give a good hand job)

Originally Published: April 10, 2009 - Last Updated / Reviewed On: March 7, 2013
Share this
Dear Alice,

Gosh, this sounds pretty bad Alice, but I am need of help. My boyfriend is um, good with his hands, and I want to reciprocate, I really do, but I've never really given a hand job before and although the mechanics seem pretty easy in theory, whenever I try, I KNOW I'm not doing anything for him. I've only tried once or twice but he always says "you don't have to do that" which is his polite way of getting me to stop. I can't give a hand job. Am I a complete idiot? Please tell me what to do!

Dear Reader,

Far from being an idiot, you're wise to ask. You might remember that old ad campaign for the peanut butter cups that went "There's no wrong way to eat a Reese's"? It showed vampires sticking their fangs into the chocolate and sucking out the peanut butter. It showed girls dunking them in milk and guys swallowing them in one gulp. Well, in terms of how to give a hand job, the same advice goes. There's no wrong way to give a hand job (assuming your technique causes no discomfort or physical harm — the vampire fang method isn't recommended). However, it's understandable that you would want some advice since your partner seems to be stopping the process when it starts (which, it's worth a mentioning, could be due to something completely unrelated to your technique).

Although no two men are exactly alike, there are some tried and true elements of the hand job that seem to be pleasing pretty much across the board. Lubricating the penis with a water-based lube, with your or his saliva, or with lotion is a good place to start. It will help to eradicate any uncomfortable friction from a vigorous rub-down. Don't hesitate to add more lubrication as needed. Once he's been lubed, consider some or all of the strategies below:

  • You can start the hand job (after some sweet and juicy foreplay) by wrapping your hand gently but firmly around his penis, and moving it up and down the shaft slowly and steadily.
  • As he becomes more aroused, you can vary your speed and pressure, and add some twisting corkscrew motions of your hand around the penis.
  • You can also try using both hands in tandem. With one hand form a ring with your thumb and forefinger at the base of his shaft and gently tug downward, while the other hand continues in an up and down movement.
  • Or, wrap both hands around his member and move them in opposite directions.  
  • For some extra spice, you can pay special attention to the corona (the ridge where the head meets the shaft), the frenulum (the thin ridge that runs the length of the underside of his penis), and the testicles which are all super sensitive areas many men love to have stimulated. Massage them gently with a few fingers to elicit some moans.
  • For a truly scream-worthy orgasm, as he nears climax, continue stroking his shaft with one hand while the other massages his perineum (the nerve-packed stretch of skin between his anus and testicles). He'll be squirming with delight as the tension builds and comes to a…head.
  • For many people, pleasure continues after orgasm. If your partner likes, you can continue touching his penis, testicles, or other places on his body to help the moment linger.

Because no two men are the same, it's a good idea to experiment with different moves and to keep communication lines very open so he can tell you what he likes, and what he'd rather pass on. If you're still feeling a little nervous, you could also ask him to show you with his own hands how he likes to pleasure himself. You can start just watching him, or put your hands over his, or move his hands away to follow his lead.

Finally, make sure you're in a position that is comfortable for you. Lying on your side facing your man, or sitting on his legs are some options. And don't be afraid to mess up! If you're feeling comfortable and willing to experiment, you're more likely to set him at ease and pleasure him 'til the mornin' comes! Or until he does…

Alice

April 27, 2009

21543
Dear Alice,

Here's what we do... I use a silicone based lube on him and curl up next to him and put my lips around his nipple. Softly and slowly stroke his penis, gently, up and down — while...

Dear Alice,

Here's what we do... I use a silicone based lube on him and curl up next to him and put my lips around his nipple. Softly and slowly stroke his penis, gently, up and down — while gently nursing his nipple. Take your time — don't be in a hurry. It will take time for him to climax — but he will!!! Good luck!!! Don't forget the lube — it's the ticket!!!

April 24, 2009

21544
To the reader:

I think the key point to keep in mind is communication. The first time I gave my boyfriend a hand job I had no idea what I was doing. I had the general jist of the motion, but I was...

To the reader:

I think the key point to keep in mind is communication. The first time I gave my boyfriend a hand job I had no idea what I was doing. I had the general jist of the motion, but I was also very wary of hurting him.

I started things off one way, and all it took was for him to gently move my hand and make a few recommendations for me to get it right. Since then, knowledge about hot spots (including his personal preferences), has made this a very enjoyable experience for him.

Once you've got the basics down, your focus will shift from the action to the actual experience — take your time and enjoy :)