I'm NOT faking it!

Originally Published: April 4, 1997 - Last Updated / Reviewed On: March 20, 2011
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Hey Alice,

How can I convince my boyfriend that I do not fake my orgasms? When he asked me if have started faking them, I got really hurt. We have been dating for about five years and he questions this now?

Somewhat insecure about sexuality

Dear Somewhat insecure about sexuality,

While popular media (and some research studies!) suggest that “faking it” is a common concern among men, and even a regular practice for some women, it seems curious that after five years of dating he would ask you a question so basic to your sexual lives together. It might be helpful to ask him if something has happened to make him question your honesty. It’s understandable that you might feel hurt, but focusing on what prompted his curiosity and your desire for greater understanding and communication would allow this experience to deepen rather than hinder your relationship.

If your orgasms are authentic, his uncertainty seems to be the more central issue here. If they’re not, perhaps you could both benefit from greater communication about sex, intimacy, and your relationship.

Good luck!