If he likes me, why won't he call?

Originally Published: January 23, 1998 - Last Updated / Reviewed On: August 16, 2012
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Dear Alice,

I met this guy I like about a month ago and I think that he really likes me. He has a very busy schedule with school, homework, and sports, but when he says he will call me, he usually doesn't. If he really likes me, why won't he call when he says he will? Also, how can I tell if he likes me for me and not just my looks?

Dear Reader,

It's easy to over think things and jump to conclusions, especially when you like someone. But before you write him off or get downhearted, remember that there could be a number of reasons why he hasn't called you.

School, homework, and sports? It sounds like he could just be really busy. Have you tried calling him instead? Maybe he is shy and can't work up the nerve to call you. Maybe he lost your number, or didn't pay his cell phone bill… there are many possible scenarios that would explain his behavior. Of course, there is also the chance that he's just not interested.

If he doesn't call and you still don't know why (i.e. he hasn't told you his cell phone is broken, for example) then perhaps it's time for you to move on. If you're not getting what you want out of a relationship (even a relationship in the early stages) it's probably best to look elsewhere. As the saying goes, there are a million fish in the sea. Have you been too focused on this one guy? Is there something about him in particular that you are attracted to, or is it the idea of having a boyfriend?

As for your second question, it can be hard to tell at first if someone is attracted to you for your looks or for who you are — or both. This is something that becomes apparent as you spend more time with a person. If the attraction is purely physical, the relationship may eventually fizzle, rather than sizzle, as you realize that you don't have much in common.

With this guy, or any potential partner, pay attention to your instincts. Do you feel happy spending time with this person? Can you talk to him easily? Do you spend time together doing things other than being physical? Although it can be difficult to tell at first what someone is interested in, after a while you might be able to get a better sense of his motives. Then you can decide if the relationship is working for you.

In this situation and in the future, consider this: if you're into someone and you're just waiting for the phone to ring, maybe it's time for you to take the initiative and call him. Sometimes you have to take a risk to get the reward!

Alice

April 24, 2009

21536
To the reader:

Maybe he is just to afraid to call! He could be afraid that your parents might pick up :)

To the reader:

Maybe he is just to afraid to call! He could be afraid that your parents might pick up :)

June 24, 2005

20926
Dear Alice,

About five years ago, I had the same question on my mind. I asked a few skater guys I hung out with, why was I not receiving a call from the guy I liked? The answer was: "guys don't...

Dear Alice,

About five years ago, I had the same question on my mind. I asked a few skater guys I hung out with, why was I not receiving a call from the guy I liked? The answer was: "guys don't call to say they are not going to call!" OUCH. Need I say my outlook changed from that day forward? It was a rude awakening, but I needed to hear a guy's point of view.