How to kiss

Originally Published: May 10, 1996 - Last Updated / Reviewed On: June 26, 2012
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Dear Alice,

Thank you for the useful information about a kiss to say goodnight. Could you please also provide some information about what I need to be careful of while I'm kissing her? (I guess that it's not just pushing my mouth to hers?!) Please help.

Inexperienced twenty-three-year-old guy

Dear Inexperienced twenty-three-year-old guy,

Learning to kiss is a bit like learning how to ride a bike. You are scared to try, but it looks like so much fun on TV! Eventually, the fear subsides and you give it a try. What a thrill that first ride is, and then... down you go! That's okay, you had fun, so you know you'll try again. Kissing isn't too much different. The best thing is, just like riding a bicycle, once you learn, you'll never forget. Also remember each kiss will be different, depending on who you are kissing and how you feel about the person.

You are absolutely right, you don't want to "just push" your mouth to hers. It's probably easiest to begin with a peck on the cheek. Just pucker up, tilt your head a little to the side, gently plant your lips on the person's cheek, and follow through with the puckering motion. This might give you the confidence to try kissing on the lips. It's the same basic movement of your lips, only now the other person's lips are involved in the action, too, which may make it a little easier. A few things to bear in mind when going for the big kiss: do not open your mouth until your lips have reached the kissee's lips, avoid bumping teeth, and make sure there's no food in your mouth (as if...!).

Then there's the "French kiss," which involves your and the other person's tongue. Approach your French kiss gently, with no quick and sudden movements of your tongue. Avoid what some call "the frog" (sticking your tongue all the way out inside the kissee's mouth). Your tongue will most likely be met by the other person's, and both of you can go from there, figuring out what is pleasurable.

If you want to practice before trying a kiss on a person, try it out on your arm or your hand (by making a pair of lips with your thumb and index finger) to see how it feels, or practice with a pillow. Pay close attention to the face-sucking scenes in movies or TV shows (any soap opera will suffice).

You'll never know what it's like until you try it. When the opportunity presents itself, pucker up and go for it! You may be surprised at how easy and fun kissing can be.

Alice

January 28, 2013

522626
Just make sure you don't do a tornado like a neophyte teenager. Slide your tongue slowly and gently across the top and bottom of your partner's tongue, barely poking it out from between your lips....
Just make sure you don't do a tornado like a neophyte teenager. Slide your tongue slowly and gently across the top and bottom of your partner's tongue, barely poking it out from between your lips. Let your tongue relax so it is slack and wide. Save the tornado for other parts of the body!

June 26, 2012

512991
nice advice!!!!! That is a really good question to ask, also. I have recently kissed my girlfriend, this advice helped my loads!!! xxx
nice advice!!!!! That is a really good question to ask, also. I have recently kissed my girlfriend, this advice helped my loads!!! xxx

July 30, 2009

21528

Excellent advice Alice. Kissing is one of my favorite parts of intimicy and I've experienced the good, the bad, and the ugly. There are so many subtle techniques that it may seem overwhelming when...

Excellent advice Alice. Kissing is one of my favorite parts of intimicy and I've experienced the good, the bad, and the ugly. There are so many subtle techniques that it may seem overwhelming when you're trying to learn what to do. The good news is they are almost all wonderful.

A few no-no's: No teeth knocking, no crusty chapped lips, no garlic or onions beforehand, and no trying to lick the back of the kissee's throat. Plunging a stiff, unexpected tongue into the kissee's mouth will probably be a big turnoff. And try to keep the spittle under control.

A few tips: Many women love it when their partners hold their head while kissing (gently, please!). It's always a turn on when a guy threads his fingers through my hair and comes in for a kiss like it's serious business. For you gals, I've found an incredible response from my partners when I initiate and navigate the makeout session. Always keep your lips soft and the pressure to a minimum. Never underestimate the value of a gentle nip or nibble of the bottom lip. Testing the open waters? Delicately and sensuously brush your tongue across the kissee's lips to see if they part for you. If so, advance a little at a time. If not, don't stop and ask why... just keep up the good work.

December 3, 2007

21386

Hi,

Try kissing the inside of your wrist just where the thumb meets the wrist. It's the nearest feeling to a good kiss. In all kisses, keep yor lips supple, not tight. Defininately, don't...

Hi,

Try kissing the inside of your wrist just where the thumb meets the wrist. It's the nearest feeling to a good kiss. In all kisses, keep yor lips supple, not tight. Defininately, don't open your mouth too wide! (I've been with women who open all the way and it's not a kiss; my buddies tell me the same story!)

September 18, 2007

21338
Dear Alice and CO, A few weeks ago I finally told the girl that I love how I felt (First time in love, and I'm 22!). I remember our first kiss vividly. It was awkward at first, but we didn't care....
Dear Alice and CO, A few weeks ago I finally told the girl that I love how I felt (First time in love, and I'm 22!). I remember our first kiss vividly. It was awkward at first, but we didn't care. My advice to the first kiss, don't think about it! Just do what comes naturally. I love my girlfriend and I didn't know how to kiss, but that didn't stop us. Just go for it. You will get the hang of it eventually (me and my girlfriend both had sore spots after our first night. we just kissed too hard. we now kiss perfectly ;) ) So to all those who worry about the first kiss, DON'T! The first kiss is the most wonderful experience ever. — The 22 year old Knucklehead

May 23, 2006

21069

Alice,

I love your website! Where else could people talk about stuff like this, and it not seem ridiculous? Bravo to anyone brave enough to ask for advice before kissing. I wasn't and I...

Alice,

I love your website! Where else could people talk about stuff like this, and it not seem ridiculous? Bravo to anyone brave enough to ask for advice before kissing. I wasn't and I learned the hard way. As a girl who LOVES to be kissed, I have a little advice, too. First, relax. Your mind and your lips. If they like you enough to let you get that close, you're over the biggest hurdle. Second, people's lips fit together best kind of staggered. Instead of just aiming for their mouth, try to aim for their bottom lip. Sounds kinda weird, but it fits right, and it you do the hand practicing, you'll see what I mean. Best of luck to you, and happy making out!

October 21, 2005

20966
Alice,

I am 15 but i can totally relate to what everyone's saying because i haven't had my first kiss, either. I can't even talk to my friends about first kisses because they've all had their's...

Alice,

I am 15 but i can totally relate to what everyone's saying because i haven't had my first kiss, either. I can't even talk to my friends about first kisses because they've all had their's but me, so it's kind of awkward. I feel like I'm the only one in my whole entire school who hasn't had their first kiss and it's pretty depressing because I'm basically surrounded by people who have had their first kiss and i feel like one day someone who finds that funny (not having my first kiss yet) will start making fun of me somehow. But i'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. Maybe for me at 15, i'm not supposed to have had my first kiss. lol, sounds weird, but who knows?

-Kelly

August 25, 2005

20944
Dear Alice,

I am almost 18, and just had my very first kiss a few weeks ago. I had a crush on this guy for about 6 months when we finally hooked up. I felt so comfortable with him that there wasn...

Dear Alice,

I am almost 18, and just had my very first kiss a few weeks ago. I had a crush on this guy for about 6 months when we finally hooked up. I felt so comfortable with him that there wasn't much pressure, and I even asked him to kiss me, and I am way shy. You just have to relax and be patient. I feel sorry for people who waste their 1st kiss in a game of spin the bottle! Your 1st kiss will be so much more memorable with someone you really like.

August 2, 2005

20937
Dear Alice,

I am 13, and I used freak out about what my first kiss will be like all of the time. I was afraid that if I kissed my boyfriend, that he would dump me because I was a sucky kisser....

Dear Alice,

I am 13, and I used freak out about what my first kiss will be like all of the time. I was afraid that if I kissed my boyfriend, that he would dump me because I was a sucky kisser. You have made me feel much more confident about making the first move and and I can't thank you enough!!!!!!! I don't know what I'd do without you!!!!!!!!!!!!!

—Scared no more

September 16, 2004

20808
Dear Alice,

Dear Freaked out,

I am sixteen, too, and when I tell someone I have never been kissed, they are shocked about it, but it gives them respect for me, too. I guess it depends on...

Dear Alice,

Dear Freaked out,

I am sixteen, too, and when I tell someone I have never been kissed, they are shocked about it, but it gives them respect for me, too. I guess it depends on who you are, but you should not worry what others think about you because you should be proud of who you are and what you can do.

— signed,
Meagan — the still never been kissed

May 19, 2004

20561
Alice,

Thank you so much for that answer. I found your answer to that question while I was searching Yahoo for "How to kiss for the first time" because I WAS so scared because I never have...

Alice,

Thank you so much for that answer. I found your answer to that question while I was searching Yahoo for "How to kiss for the first time" because I WAS so scared because I never have before and I have been to all these other sites which don't help at all and you've covered everything I need to know. You have given me so much courage I can't tell you. You're a savior, again. THANKS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love,
Brooke
xox

January 30, 2004

20529
Dear Alice, While looking through all of the files of the "how to kiss" section, I was quite surprised to find out that no one has mentioned the "sucking" part of French kissing. What I'm referring...
Dear Alice, While looking through all of the files of the "how to kiss" section, I was quite surprised to find out that no one has mentioned the "sucking" part of French kissing. What I'm referring to is the inhalation of each partner to create the suction within their mouths when they are exchanging tongues. Experimenting with blowing out through the nose and continuing the inhalation within the mouth is something that might be worked on for later instances. Having someone blow their breath inside your mouth isn't a very enjoyable experience, at least in mine it hasn't been. I have to admit that such advice was not shared with me before my first kiss and the embarrassment of having my boyfriend explain the action to me is not something that I would wish on other first timers. I have thoroughly enjoyed this web site since it provides you with a place to ask all those questions you're dying to know but sometimes too embarrassed to ask in person. Thanks again, ~College Girl

July 21, 2000

20354
alice,

I'd just like to say, that after reading some of your advice on the subject of KISSING, I felt brave enough to kiss my girlfriend for the first time, which also happens to be my first time...

alice,

I'd just like to say, that after reading some of your advice on the subject of KISSING, I felt brave enough to kiss my girlfriend for the first time, which also happens to be my first time ever kissing a girl.

I'd also like to say to everyone else out there that Alice is right! It's fun, AND really easy! So guys and girls who are hesitant to make that first move, just get up and go for it if you think your special someone is ready/comfortable with it. And one other thing I've learned very quickly: don't plan out how you're going to do it, because chances are the conditions won't be what you were planning! So when you're with your girlfriend (guys) and you look into her eyes and realize just how beautiful she is, and how special she is, lay a nice juicy one on her!!! And girls, girls, girls, girls.... you can do it, too! YES, YOU CAN... YES, YOU CAN! Look at his hunky self and plant one!

THANKS, ALICE! YOU'VE GOTTEN ME OVER A BIG BUMP THAT WASN'T SO BIG AFTER ALL.

:-)

—Sparkles Guy

May 17, 1996

20300
Dear Alice,

Something more on kissing from one who has done a lot of it! No actual smacking noises, no noises at all except for the occasional moan, sigh, or murmuring of the kissee's name (...

Dear Alice,

Something more on kissing from one who has done a lot of it! No actual smacking noises, no noises at all except for the occasional moan, sigh, or murmuring of the kissee's name (correct name, open eyes to check if necessary). Speaking of open eyes: very distracting if both do it, comical actually. Also, don't pass up the opportunity to gently nuzzle the throat, the side part of it, and stroke the cheek and hair, which helps to disguise an attempt at spatial accuracy. Thanks, Alice — you do good work.