How do I let someone know s/he's special?

Originally Published: September 12, 1997 - Last Updated / Reviewed On: March 28, 2014
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Dear Alice,

I would like some advice on how to make women feel special. You see, there's a girl I see on the bus who I think is the most beautiful girl in the world. I wanted to talk to her, but I am extremely shy. I'm thinking of writing her a letter and giving her a rose. Yet, I do not know what to really write to make her feel like responding. My other question would be if she is interested, how could I keep her? I really would like to meet this girl. Thank you for your time.

Dear Reader,

Your idea is very romantic, and starting small may 1) be more well received and 2) allow you to save face if your beautiful stranger doesn't reciprocate. When playing the role of suitor, it may be helpful to maintain both an optimistic and realistic attitude. In other words, proceed as though there's a possibility of rejection alongside a possibility of reciprocation.

So to start small, try smiling and making eye contact. Stop if your beautiful stranger seems annoyed or creeped out. Remember, many people often receive unwanted advances and comments in public spaces — be respectful of the person's boundaries. If your beauty notices you and seems okay, say "Hello," if the opportunity presents itself. You may watch for clues about this stranger's interests. Does the object of your affection read any magazines, books, or a newspaper? You may start a conversation based on that. "What do you think about that (fill in with today's headline)?" Or, "I've been wanting to read that book. Is it as good as they say?" Or, "Do you have so-and-so for English, too? Wasn't that a tough essay to write last week?" If the reading material idea doesn't work for you, you may always start with a comment about the bus, the weather, or another shared experience. "This stop is really crowded (or empty) today." Or, "Sure hope this nice weather holds out." Try to take it slowly and see what happens. If your admired stranger seems willing to chat, great. If not, then at least you tried.

If this approach works, then you may want to introduce yourself. "You know, we've been riding the same bus for awhile now... My name's ____________." You'll likely discover the name of your bus friend. Then you may say, "It's nice to meet you," with a smile. Unless you're comfortable with complimenting the no-longer stranger, think twice before doing it. Saying something right away like, "You have the most beautiful eyes," could make both of you feel awkward.

Do you take the bus to the same place? Are you in school together? If the "chatting thing" is going well, perhaps you may suggest meeting for lunch one day. Or, ask if your new acquaintance would like to grab coffee or tea and/or a bagel before or after you get on/off the bus. Logistics may pose a problem if you both get on and off the bus at different stops, but you could always try this one: "There's a great coffee shop at the next stop. Want to hop off and have a cup?"

As for your question about how to make someone feel special and keep the person's interest once you've met, try to go with your feelings and your heart. Focus on being honest and genuine so the person likes the true you. Consider what it would be like in the other person's shoes and what would be caring, sensitive, respectful, and loving to you and your special someone. When you hold someone dear, it shows in your actions and words. Remember that you can't control another person's thoughts, feelings, or behaviors. The best you may do is to just be yourself and enjoy the time you spend together. Let a relationship develop and grow naturally. Buy a rose, if you want. Don't feel like you have to.

For now, your main concern is meeting someone, this person, in particular. So try to smile, talk casually with your admired, and be yourself. Keep in mind that desperation or neediness is usually obvious and unattractive. Hope the wheels of your love bus go round and round with a special new companion!

Alice

March 22, 2012

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From a 24-year-old woman's perspective: I think you should go ahead and get the rose and write a note saying "You are beautiful!" and you can just hand it to her with boldness and confidence. If you...
From a 24-year-old woman's perspective: I think you should go ahead and get the rose and write a note saying "You are beautiful!" and you can just hand it to her with boldness and confidence. If you are shy, mask it! And go back to your seat on the bus. Play cool. Observe her reaction. I think it will make her feel special and possibly spark more than just an interest in you! As far as keeping an interest, you need to know yourself, be yourself, show your interest in her, and spend time together doing things that pertain to both of your interests!