Horny all the time?

Originally Published: October 1, 1993 - Last Updated / Reviewed On: April 7, 2009
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Dear Alice,

I masturbate about two or three times a week, but I still feel horny all the time. I think about sex during class and other situations. I think this is also affecting my life. I can't help it when I get an erection during class, and it seems so obvious that I'm afraid other people may find out. What should I do? Is this natural? I especially think about this one girl, who I've had a crush on for a few years. I always think about her during class, but then I feel like a dirty scum when I'm around her. Am I just sexually repressed?

Signed, Horny

Dear Horny,

It's terrific that you're aware of your sexual desires.  Masturbating two or three times per week, having erections (even in relatively non-sexual settings), and thinking about your sexual wants and needs is quite normal. Horniness can increase or decrease when under stress, and also when inundated by stimuli, including memories or desires.

When you get erections in class, there are ways of remaining discreet. Undoubtedly you already have a few tricks that help you get through those moments. Erections are simply a reaction to a sexual signal. Often, if you think about something asexual, or something that is a total turn-off (like your next exam), you can lose your erection.

Have you thought about some healthy ways of discharging your (sexual) energy?  How about masturbating more frequently?  What about exercise?  Other forms of stress relief? Keep in mind the idea that the frequency of sexual desire can (and likely will) change a number of times during the lifespan. What you choose as a way to handle situations today may not work forever.  Be creative in expressing your desire and handling your needs.  Just by sending in the question it's safe to say that you are not repressed. 

In terms of the woman you have a crush on, try talking with her. Sometimes, by acting on your feelings you can put this looming sexual energy into perspective.  No need to feel bad, just about everyone has desires, crushes, and fantasies.  Perhaps you two have more in common than you realize.  Talking is a great first step toward exploring feelings, and may lead to a healthy and productive outlet for your sexual energy. 

Alice