Dear Alice,
I think she should have given him a reason after they were together for a whole year, as a matter of courtesy. If she couldn't even be bothered to do that, then she can't be much of a...
Girlfriend broke it off — am I stalking?Originally Published: February 24, 1995 - Last Updated / Reviewed On: September 11, 2009 |
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Dear Alice,
My girlfriend just broke up with me after one year of relationship. She didn't give me any reason. She says she has no time to give a reason. Last night, I called her every half hour, but she didn't want to pick up the phone. This morning, she told me that if I keep calling her, or I am around her or her place, or trying to follow her, then she would call the police and sue me. My question is: is it against the law if I am trying to get in touch with her by being at the same place as she is? Is it against the law if I wait for her in front of her door?
—Home alone
Dear Home Alone,
It seems clear that your ex-girlfriend doesn't want to see you, talk to you, or have anything to do with you right now. She has been definite and clear about her wishes. While it may be unfortunate that she does not want to talk with you, discuss reasons for ending the relationship, etc., you really need to back off, stay away, and give her some space.
By calling her every half hour, you are harassing her. Yes, this is against the law in most places; and, it is more than an annoyance everywhere. Waiting in front of your ex-girlfriend's door, or frequently being in the same area she is, is classified as stalking, and is illegal in many places. In other locales, it would be up to your ex-girlfriend to notify the police and get an order of protection that would not allow you to have contact with her, be on her property, or come within a certain distance of her. The order would be served to you, and once you have seen it, if you violate the terms, you could be arrested (something that won't help your situation).
What you are describing is serious. For the time being, and possibly forever, you'll need to leave your ex-girlfriend alone. Whatever her reasons for breaking up with you, it is clear that she is not willing to discuss them with you right now. Don't try to figure your girlfriend out; instead why not spend your time nursing your hurt and trying to move on with your life. Have you considered talking with a counselor or a therapist about coping with your pain, and discussing alternatives to "haunting" your ex. If you're at Columbia, call Counseling and Psychological Services (CPS) at x4-2878. If you're not at Columbia, contact the American Psychological Association at (800) 374-2721 or (202) 336-5500, the National Mental Health Association at (800) 969-NMHA/-6642 or (888) 836-6070, and/or the National Association of Social Workers, Inc. at (202) 408-8600, and ask them for licensed referrals in your community. Another option is to check the Yellow Pages of your phone book under "mental health," "health," "social services," or "physicians" to try to find a professional counseling center near you. Pursuing a calm approach that allows you to focus on the future, while giving your ex the space she requests can only help you both in the long term.
October 27, 2006
21115Dear Alice,
I think she should have given him a reason after they were together for a whole year, as a matter of courtesy. If she couldn't even be bothered to do that, then she can't be much of a long-term partner. Having said that, I wouldn't have called her every half hour if she was not answering — that's just self-punishment. It would be better to move on and let her try and resume things if she wanted to... that is, if he still wanted to get back together after being dropped like that!