First year — No boyfriend?

Originally Published: December 1, 1993 - Last Updated / Reviewed On: December 15, 2008
Share this

Dear Alice,

I just got my University e-mail account and I've been experimenting with my computer. After reading several letters on your site I decided I just HAD to write you. I am so lonely. I'm not ugly or a loser or anything; in fact, I'm an attractive upbeat and outgoing first-year college student. But no matter what I do, I can't get a guy to be interested in me as anything more than a friend. Please tell me what I'm doing wrong. There are a lot of guys I'm interested in, but none of them will give me the time of day. There is one guy I really like. He is a senior and he is president of a fraternity. I see him every now and then and I've been dying to approach him, but I'm not up for rejection. I guess I should just do it, right? I mean what do I have to lose besides my pride... I'm just kidding!! But, seriously, what should I do? I bet you think this is a pretty lame problem compared to some of the serious questions you get, but for me this is as serious as it gets. Thanks for taking the time to read this.

Sincerely, Infatuated to the nth degree

Dear Infatuated to the nth degree,

It sounds like your self-esteem is pretty high, so "just doing it" doesn't sound like a bad idea. If this fraternity president says, "I'm not interested," your pride should ride high because you tried. Again, nothing ventured, nothing gained. On the other hand, your boldness might bowl him over -- then you'll be an attractive and upbeat First Lady. Watch out, Washington!

It's also okay not to try so hard. Remember to take care of yourself first — work on becoming an interesting person, having higher self-esteem and confidence, being a good friend, and adjusting to college life. Being alone, or without a partner, does not necessarily mean being lonely. Learning to be with yourself, discovering your likes and dislikes, understanding your feelings and beliefs, in the long run will make you more attractive to a potential partner. So, if you can stop your chasing for a while and take some time for yourself, when you least expect it, a Mr. Right might come knocking at your door.

Alice