First sex for two virgins?
Originally Published: February 1, 1994 - Last Updated / Reviewed On: June 3, 2011
Is it possible to have a penis that's too big to have sex? My girl friend and I tried to have sex the other day (both of us are virgin) and my penis seemed too large to enter vagina. Is this possible, or is this because of some other factors, i.e. positions?
Dear Don't know,
Genitals are like snowflakes: No two are alike. Thus, the mechanics of sex can be puzzling at times. There are many potential reasons why things may not be fitting perfectly. For women who have never had vaginal intercourse, the first few times experiencing penetration can be uncomfortable or painful. There are two primary reasons for this: First, penetrative sexual encounters are usually the first time that the hymen is broken. The hymen is a thin membrane covering the opening of vagina. It is sometimes broken in other ways, too, that don't relate to sexual activity. But for many, sex is the first time this membrane is broken and for some it can be painful. Occasionally, it can also be accompanied by some slight bleeding.
Because the vagina's walls are very strong, another factor that could prevent penetration is the penis not being fully erect. Especially if this is your first time having sex, nervousness could have prevented a full erection. Often, engaging in a great deal of foreplay can help address this issue if that was a factor.
Another reason first time sex can be uncomfortable for women is that the walls of the vagina are being stretched beyond what they had been previously and this can be uncomfortable. There is much vaginal diversity and women experience first-time sex differently depending on their bodies. And just like vulvas, penises also vary in size. No matter the size of each of person's genitals, there are many ways of making sex work, with or without penetration.
There are a few additional, somewhat less common reasons why penetration may be difficult. A condition called vaginismus affects about 2% of women and causes intense and painful muscle contractions of the vaginal walls whenever penetration occurs. Additionally, some women have thicker hymens that cannot be stretched so easily without causing significant injury or bleeding. In these circumstances, a trip the gynecologist may be in order.
If penetrative sex is too uncomfortable, consider trying some other fun activities. Check out Definition of sex? from the Go Ask Alice! archives for some additional ideas. If you both have your hearts set on penetration, make sure you have lots of lube at your disposal (silicone or water-based) and go slowly. Sometimes, gradually increasing the size of what she inserts can help her build up to a penis. Perhaps start with a finger. If that works, move up to two. Then take a trip to your nearest sex toy store and purchase a dildo or vibrator that's the next size up. Make it a fun, pleasurable, and pressure-free game for the two of you.