Father died two years ago

Originally Published: May 1, 1994 - Last Updated / Reviewed On: December 17, 2008
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Dear Alice,

Thanks very much for being here, for all us angst-ridden students of the world. My problem is that my father died 2 years ago from a heart attack that he suffered on his way to work. It was very difficult to comprehend his death. It seemed to be so unfair and arbitrary. I was angry. Very angry for a long period of time. I am over that now. I learned that anger is easier, more expedient to deal with than the nitty gritty of emotions.

While I was in England, the leader of the British opposition party died of a fatal heart attack. The news has devastated me. I keep thinking of the awful things that I went through when the same thing happened to me. Will I ever get over this?

Yours, Bruised by loss

Dear Bruised by loss,

Will you ever get over your grief? Yes and no. The intensity of your loss will subside as the days go on, but the reality is that there will always be stimuli in your life that will remind you of your father and your pain. The stimuli could be anything from the news about the British leader, to the anniversary of your father's birthday or of his death, to a person on the street that reminds you of your father. This is OK and it's very normal. Be comforted by your memories, and as time goes on your dad will become part of your everyday in a new way, even though you will always miss his physical presence.

If you need to, at moments when you least expect it and the grief gets overwhelming, call a good friend or a counselor to help you get through it. It will never again be as constant as right after your father died, but there may be some moments where you need a little extra help. Cherish your memories — with time it helps heal the pain.

Alice

October 9, 1998

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Dear Alice, For the person whose dad died two years ago, the pain of losing him will always be with you. It does lessen with time, but it will never go away. You may be wondering how I know this. My...
Dear Alice, For the person whose dad died two years ago, the pain of losing him will always be with you. It does lessen with time, but it will never go away. You may be wondering how I know this. My dad died seven years ago when I was fourteen. There are days it seems like only yesterday and other days it seems like a lifetime ago. You will always have the memories to treasure even though it is not the same. When I lost my dad, I did not talk to my mom much about how I felt because I did not want her to be any more upset than she already was. I mostly cried in bed when my mom wouldn't hear me. That was my way of dealing with it. Everyone grieves differently. Take care of yourself.