Fascinated with women's butts

Originally Published: October 1, 2004 - Last Updated / Reviewed On: April 2, 2009
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Alice,

I am a twenty-three-year-old man, and I am a fan of the female butt. I love butts so much, it's just that whenever I see a girl with a nice butt, I feel like either slapping it, grabbing it, pinching it, squeezing it, or touching it. I just want to know if this is perverted, or if it's normal human behavior?

Dear Reader,

Curious if singing "baby got back" is in tune with human behavior? People often admire, enjoy, or are attracted to certain body shapes, specific body parts, hair color and/or texture, skin tone, smell, etc. These attractions or arousal triggers are part of our unique sexual script. The desire to touch another person's specific body part, in your case a female's buttocks, is a normal feeling. However, acting on these impulses without consent can definitely get you in trouble.

A consensual situation entails being with someone with whom you have discussed this sort of touching; who agrees that it's okay, fun, and sexual; and, as a result, both persons are clear with what to expect and agree that this is okay. Even within a consensual relationship, however, touching, or certain kinds of touching, may be okay at some times and not at others. A partner has a right to say "yes" or "no" and to have that decision be respected.

If you are able to identify your feelings and desires, and are capable of negotiating these behaviors with a willing partner, then enjoy yourselves. If, on the other hand, you find that you cannot control your impulses to touch a woman who has not given you consent to touch her butt,  you are violating the individual as well as the law.  In that case, for the sake of the women you may touch against their will, and for your own protection, you may want to consider reaching out to a mental health care provider to discuss ways to control these impulses. If you are a student at Columbia, you may make an appointment at Columbia's Counseling and Psychological Services (CPS) by dialing x4-2878.

The ability to evaluate and reflect on your sexual needs, wants, desires, and behaviors is an important step on the road to a healthy sexuality. Pay attention to what you like, make sure your sexual encounters are consensual, and enjoy.

Alice

October 29, 2004

20813
Dear Alice,

I am a twenty-six-year-old man and I wholeheartedly agree with your analysis on Fascinated with Women's Butts.

...

Dear Alice,

I am a twenty-six-year-old man and I wholeheartedly agree with your analysis on Fascinated with Women's Butts.

However, I wish you further emphasized the fact that this man needs to make sure his fantasy remains only a fantasy, and that he does not start pinching or touching the butts of those who do not consent.

I am afraid that unless he gets psychological help, he could wind up in trouble. I wish that you had emphasized this more.

I don't think it is relevant whether his fantasy is "normal" or not; I think what matters is whether his fantasy could put himself and victims in potential danger.