Ex-girlfriend dumps me for my best friend

Originally Published: April 3, 1998 - Last Updated / Reviewed On: August 2, 2012
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Dear Alice,

My girlfriend broke up with me after we dated for 6 months. It took me completely by surprise. I loved her, and was going to ask her to marry me in a few more months. Just a week after she broke up with me, she tells me that she has feelings for my best friend. He has been involved with a lot of our activities, and is also friends with my girlfriend. Now, my best friend is not telling me when my ex and he do things together. I feel hurt, betrayed, and very bitter. I don't know how I can deal with the two people I cared about most now. I feel that while he might not be dishonorable about my girlfriend, he is there for her, and not for me, and he is creating an opportunity for her to like him, and not me. Am I screwed up or what? Thanks for your help...

Dear Reader,

You are not screwed up. You are angry and hurt because you feel that your ex-girlfriend and your best friend betrayed you. You may also feel a loss of trust. The two people you cared about most have found each other and abandoned you. It happens in books and movies, and in real life as well. You did not do anything wrong. If anything, they screwed up by ruining their friendships with you — or perhaps they just found each other, and the loss of your friendship is part of the fallout.

Right now, it is important to take care of yourself. Allow yourself to feel your hurt and anger. Only then can you begin to move on with your life. Moving on may mean making changes regarding your interactions with them as a way of helping you to heal and regain your sense of well-being. You may want to talk things through with them to let them know how hurt you are. This might bring you some closure. Or, you may want to just cut your losses, not communicating with them at all.

Seeking out advice or support during this hard time may help you clear your mind. Perhaps you can speak with a trusted friend, family member, or counselor during this time. Columbia students can make an appointment to speak with a counselor at Counseling and Psychological Services online or by calling x4-2878. Another great resource for Columbia students is Nightline, where you can speak anonymously with a peer counselor.

Here's another way to look at this situation: that you have been given a fresh opportunity to find the person who is actually "meant" for you. While this may be hard advice to swallow right now, remember... life works in mysterious ways!

Alice