Equal opportunity porn

Originally Published: January 1, 1994 - Last Updated / Reviewed On: November 22, 2013
Share this

Alice,

This might sound a little strange. My girlfriend and I (I am male) have thought about watching porn together as a sexual experience (we already read X-rated prose in bed). While I have actually never seen any of these movies, I know that they are predominantly aimed at heterosexual males. I would like to find something that is not demeaning toward women, so that we can be equally aroused. Any suggestions?

—In the dark

Dear In the dark,

Props go to you for beginning your cinematic quest with an enlightened attitude. Much (most) of mainstream porn is conceptualized, written, and directed by heterosexual men. This can certainly limit the flavors of porn available. Luckily for you and your lady, many folks feel rubbed the wrong way when it comes to their porno options. So much so that alternatives to mainstream porn are alive and well — you just have to do a little searching. A good place to start is with sex-positive shops or websites — these places are goldmines for hot nights with the remote!

Given your sensitivities to mainstream pornography, it's not surprising that you and your girlfriend enjoy X-rated prose, or erotica. The root "porno" in "pornography" originates from "prostitution." Erotica, on the other hand, is rooted in "eros" or "passionate love." Erotica in modern culture depicts sexuality with mutuality, respect, affection, and a balance of power. While they may seem to be close cousins to the novice porn surfer, erotica and pornography usually appeal to different audiences seeking a different experience.

Individual film stars will likely change over time, but the genre of hot, consensual erotica has become a force to be reckoned with as a counterpart to the mainstream pornography industry. Female directors and producers have taken the reigns to produce quality, smokin' hot flicks featuring women and men in equal positions. You might get your feet wet with some of the more famous female porn directors and their production companies. Femme Productions, a well-seated production company whose flicks (mostly directed by Candida Royalle) that are shot from a woman's perspective, could be a good starting point.

You could also consider a fieldtrip (either in shoes or online) to some reputable hot spots that stock videos and other products dedicated to mutual pleasure. Possibilities include Good Vibrations, Babeland (with three locations in New York City), or Eve's Garden. Another option is tinynibbles, a sex-positive blog by Violet Blue. It's also possible to take a visit to a regular porn shop and use a discerning eye — videos with female directors will likely be more orgasmic and less generic jackhammer-style in their direction.

The genre of sex-positive porn is ever expanding. With a little dedication, research, and experimentation, you're sure to hit the jackpot. Good luck to you and your girlfriend as you search for the videos that speak (or scream) to you!

Alice