Can a man feel a woman's orgasm with his tongue?

Originally Published: January 6, 1995 - Last Updated / Reviewed On: September 20, 2013
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Alice,

I have a question about oral sex on a woman. You know how when a woman has an orgasm it feels like her clitoris is throbbing, or contracting? Can a man feel that through his mouth or not?

--Point of contention

Dear Point of contention,

This very much depends on the two people involved in the sexual act. For some women, orgasm is accompanied by contractions of the pelvic muscles, which can be felt by an inserted penis, finger, or by the mouth during oral sex. But not every woman experiences contractions during orgasm — there are gradations in a woman's physical response during climax. The best way to know if your partner is experiencing the big “O” is to ask her.

It is perfectly normal for a woman receiving oral sex to ask her partner if s/he felt her orgasm. Similarly, the partner performing oral sex should feel comfortable asking his/her partner if she had an orgasm. Keep in mind that all women, their bodies, and their methods of self-expression are different. With that being said, here are some common physical signs of arousal and orgasms in women:

  • Muscle contractions of the pelvis, vagina, and anus: powerful and highly pleasurable contractions of muscles all over the body often take place during orgasms.
  • Facial grimacing: the mouth is usually held open (possibly due to contractions of the muscles around the mouth), the eyes are shut, and the facial muscles create a grimace that can be mistaken for an expression of pain rather than pleasure.
  • Hyperventilation: breathing quickly and deeply can occur during high levels of sexual arousal and can continue through orgasm. It’s possible that hyperventilation, which lowers CO2 levels in the body, contributes to the giddiness and light-headedness often associated with high levels of arousal and orgasm.
  • Vocalizations: during orgasms, many men and women emit involuntary, usually nonverbal noises often accompanying pelvic contractions.

Your partner may exhibit some, all, or none of these signs during arousal and orgasm. If you want to be sure that she had an orgasm, it is best to ask her. You can do this by initiating a conversation with her about sex. Here are some helpful tips and suggestions to get the convo started:

  • Timing is everything. Find a good time when you and your partner can focus on each other without distractions. Pay attention to your body language and what you may be non-verbally communicating to her.
  • Reminisce. A good way to start a sex conversation is to remember back to the first several times you and your partner had sex. What did both of you enjoy? Bring up the good times with your partner and talk about how exciting things were, leading into conversation about your current sex life.
  • Watch a movie. Another good way to start a sex conversation is to use a movie or TV show where a couple discusses sexuality. Ask your partner what she thought about the conversation, and discuss your own views.
  • Give her time. Remember to give your partner time to respond and think. Many of us don’t have the vocabulary to talk about sexuality in general, so your partner may need time to process and think about what you say, as well as how to verbalize her own feelings and needs.

Open communication is the surest path to satisfying sex with your partner. By having a conversation with her about sex, you let her know that you care about her and what turns her on. You can encourage her to be more vocal and tell you when she is having an orgasm, which can lead to more satisfying sex for both of you. And remember, orgasms vary from woman to woman, and each orgasm is itself unique! Have fun!

Alice

February 17, 2014

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Great information, as always, Alice. I agree that it's important to ask your partner if they experienced an orgasm, particularly so you can know if what you're doing is working for them. I would...
Great information, as always, Alice. I agree that it's important to ask your partner if they experienced an orgasm, particularly so you can know if what you're doing is working for them. I would caution against getting fixated on whether your partner has had an orgasm (or not) though. There are few things more annoying than being asked constantly "did you cum?"! I think it places too much emphasis on the orgasm (the goal) and not enough on the enjoyment of being naked together, being sexual and physical and all the pleasures from that, regardless of whether one or both people have orgasms. We can be a little too goal-oriented in the US and we lose the benefit of the journey of getting there. So keep it in balance!