Boyfriend not kissy?

Originally Published: February 1, 1994 - Last Updated / Reviewed On: July 18, 2008
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Dear Alice,

What do you do if the guy you go out with is not really a kissy person?

—Frenchie

Dear Frenchie,

Getting your partner to pucker up may be as simple as asking him to. Have you ever talked with him about his sparse smooches? Perhaps he doesn't think you are a "kissy person" either and may be reluctant to show that side of himself. Or, maybe he doesn't like public displays of affection (PDA) and would rather pucker up in private.

You may also want to ask yourself, "How kissy is kissy?" The amount of time you want to spend kissing and cuddling may be different from the amount of time he is comfortable with. Some people are not kissers, some are not open mouth kissers, some worry about their breath, some take in the world orally, and others use their hands. By discussing your feelings about kissing with him, and about what kissing means to you, and by listening to his experience with, ideas about, and comfort with kissing, the two of you will learn a lot about one another. If the two of you can find common ground, you may find a level of kissy-ness that's perfect for you both.

If not, you may need to find someone else who can shower you with as many kisses as you desire.

Alice