The best ejaculation early-warning system

Originally Published: March 26, 1999 - Last Updated / Reviewed On: April 24, 2015
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Dear Alice,

How long should you perform oral sex on a male if you don't want him to ejaculate in your mouth?

Dear Reader,

If every oral sex performer and recipient gave and received in exactly the same way, your question could be answered lickity-split. Since no two aroused people are alike, communication will be your most reliable orgasm alert. Learning and becoming familiar with your partner's signals, or creating a language of words, sounds, and/or motions that says the ejaculate's on its way, is handy no matter the length and intimacy of your relationship: the same man's train may come at different speeds thanks to stress, fatigue, interest, how recently his last sexual activity was, alcohol or other drugs, and so much more.

Many, but not all, men habitually do and/or say something before ejaculating: "I'm coming," "Ahhh," "Oh, yes," "Oh, god," "Oh, baby," and "Mommy" would probably make it onto a survey. Then there are the moans, groans, growls, grunts, and noticeably shallow breathing that can tip you off to his point of no return without ever having to talk about it. Not that there's anything wrong with taking a language class together before your extracurricular activities. Make the lessons part of your sex-play: "I love to hear you call your shots," or "It's really hot to watch you, so let me know when you're gonna let loose."

Not wanting ejaculate in your mouth is your call. Hopefully you feel comfortable enough with a partner to say you don't want him to come in your mouth for whatever reason. This can be a very effective way of involving him in preventing something that may ruin your enjoyment of oral sex — before, during, and after it takes place. Your partner is half of the oral sex play, and should be able to give you a heads up on his orgasm, if that's what you want him to do. The archived Go Ask Alice! related questions and answers below talk about oral sex stuff, including the taste, smell, texture, and quantity of ejaculated semen; how to talk about these topics with your partner; and, STI-related issues (also search Go Ask Alice's Sexual and Reproductive Health archives for more related info about oral sex).

The best bet here is to communicate (verbally and non-verbally). You and your partner should be able to "come" to an agreement on oral sex.


March 20, 2012

Apart from having your man tell you when he's about to ejaculate, there are very clear signs when his body will begin the ejaculation process that an experienced lover will pick up on. First, the...
Apart from having your man tell you when he's about to ejaculate, there are very clear signs when his body will begin the ejaculation process that an experienced lover will pick up on. First, the testes and and scrotum will draw up tight against the base of the penis. Sometimes the testes will draw up so tight, they leave the lower portion of the scrotal sac and draw up along either side of the penis close to the pubic fat. The scrotum in this case is empty and tight. This state in the sex act can be achieved and then resolve a bit, but when its been sustained for a prolonged time it is a sign ejaculation is possible. Continued stimulation of the penis while in this state will cause the penis to not only become very rigid, but also a pronounced swelling of the glans penis. Those of us who engage in fellatio regularly, can usually notice a pronounced swelling before ejaculation and its probably the last sign one can detect from the genitals. Most men who have that last bit of gland penis swelling will ejaculate in a few seconds, while others can take several minutes more of stimulation. An really engaged lover will pair these genital signs up with other subtle signs from the male's body. When the testes have drawn up, the glans has undergone the final swelling and the male begins to have slight muscle twitches in the pelvic or back region. Ejaculation will usually very soon if proper and adequate stimulation occurs. Should your objective be to avoid having semen in your mouth, now would be a good time to stop fellatio and to use manual stimulation or intercourse to complete the act. Normal sexual response for a male is a complex thing and answering this question is difficult. Psychological factors, emotional attachment, performance anxiety, the quality of stimulation, saliva protein content and a host of other factors come into play.