Away at college — no letters from boyfriend

Originally Published: November 21, 1997 - Last Updated / Reviewed On: August 2, 2012
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Dear Alice,

My boyfriend and I are both in college and we promised that we would write each other but we haven't. I'm afraid that he is going to leave me for another woman. Help! How should I go about answering this problem?

Dear Reader,

Your first semester at college can be a busy and hectic time. Your workload may skyrocket, perhaps you have a job or an internship, and your social life can blossom. Having new people to meet and new surroundings with which to acquaint yourself can be both exciting and overwhelming. Writing to each other (or emailing) can easily become one of those items on your "to-do" list that gets put off until tomorrow. Fortunately, today’s technology provides tons of ways to keep in touch, ranging from emails, to face-to-face chatting over the web, to sharing messages and photos online.

It is important to remember that college is a time of change for many people. With meeting new people, taking classes in subjects you may not have studied before, and being away from home, you may begin to develop new interests and ideas. It is possible that you and your boyfriend will find you don't have a lot in common after a year or two away from each other at different colleges. Or, you might find that you still have a common ground on which you understand and appreciate each other, but the romantic interest has faded.

What is it that makes you fear your boyfriend will leave you for someone else? You say that "we" haven't written. Is it possible that your boyfriend has similar thoughts since you haven't written to him either?

These are some thoughts to keep in mind when you do see your boyfriend again, whether over Thanksgiving, winter, or summer break. The next time that you’re both home, try to spend some quality time with him. Speak with him about what's on your mind. You can let him know that his honesty is more important to you than hanging onto a relationship that might not be there anymore.

For now, try not to jump to any conclusions. It is best to just wait and see what happens when you are back together for a few days and have an opportunity to talk. Good luck!

Alice