Attractive man wants to set limits

Originally Published: May 9, 1997 - Last Updated / Reviewed On: June 29, 2012
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Alice,

I am an attractive male. This is my first year in college, and quite frankly, many girls are all over me (or at the least are constantly around me and in my face). I am not used to this because in high school I could go home and get away from such stuff, but in a dorm it is non-stop. I have trouble telling these girls to leave me alone, so I end up being very hostile towards them in the hopes that this will drive them away. It does, but unfortunately I am developing the image of a rather mean individual. What can I do to be left alone without coming off with such a bad reputation? HELP!!!

Thanks,
"Unable to control a delicate situation"

Dear "Unable to control a delicate situation,"

One might wonder what you mean by having girls "... constantly around me and in my face." Perhaps this could be interpreted in two ways: these girls either WANT you (in a sexual way), or just want to get to know their floormate. Let's tackle the issue of the first-year friendship euphoria.

First-year campus living is probably the best opportunity to get to know your fellow classmates, the people with whom you will be spending the next four years. First years are often enthusiastic to be living on campus, and may concentrate on getting to know everyone. This could actually be a wonderful chance for you to make lasting friendships. It does not hurt to be friendly and sociable with your floormates; you may even find that you enjoy their company.

Then, there is the issue of these girls wanting more than friendship. You may not be interested in spending extended time with your floormates. In that case, here are a few of suggestions you can use to tactfully express, "get away":

  • "Talking to you has been a nice study break, but I have to get back to the books."
  • "I am expecting a call. Gotta go!"
  • "I really need to take a nap. I'll catch you later."
  • "Nothing personal, but I really need to be alone now."
  • "Don't take this the wrong way, but I need to go and deal with some stuff now."

Think about what you want, and then practice putting your thoughts into words. You can be clear and firm without being hostile, and most people will appreciate your straightforward, honest statements. In addition, chances are that your self-respect, as well as your reputation, will increase. Good luck!

Alice