hey Alice,

When I'm "making out" with my boyfriend, I get kind of nervous cause I don't know where to put my hands. I know you're probably going to say just go with the flow or something, but like I'm just wondering, where do guys like to be touched when making out??? Thanks for your help~!

confused and dazed

Dear confused and dazed,

Clothes on, or off, most every inch of our skin, our largest erogenous zone by the way, are full of sensitive nerve endings thirsty for even the softest contact. However, not all people respond to touch in the same way.

You're right, going with the flow might help you find out your partner's unique tactile turn-ons, although not all people are vocal about what feels good; "Oh, yeah, I love when you touch my knee cap." Perhaps a faster and more accurate answer to your question would come by asking your boyfriend where he'd like your hands to go when your lips and tongues are busy. "Would you like me to hug you? Firmly? Gently?" You could ask before you get physically intimate, or after the fun has started. What a great opportunity for both of you to learn about each other, while practicing the often-awkward skill of communicating about feelings and desires. And, how hot can it be when a partner is so into pleasing you, and so respectful, that s/he asks you where to make contact and how best to do it? (Some places, through codes of conduct, actually require asking permission to touch, and a verbal agreement to do so.)

The pressure and pleasure of being a better lover flows two ways. Ask yourself these questions: Where do you like to be touched when the two of you are making out, or doing something else? Gently on your face and the back of your neck? Do you like a light, or firm, shoulder and arm massage? Does it feel good when he brushes your hair with his fingers? How about when his fingers glide lightly up your legs and inner thighs? It makes sense for you to learn about your body so that way, you can both a teacher AND a student with your partner.

If you're ever with another partner, this is information you'll likely want to gather and share all over again. Sex is a learned behavior... and one way to learn is to raise your hand and ask.

Alice!

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