My girlfriend and I have great sex, but lately she has been asking me to talk dirty to her. The problem with this is that I thought I'd already been doing this. I don't know what to say, literally. Any hints on what I might be able to say to her? I already talk kind of dirty to her, but she wants it nasty. What do I say?


Dear "Speechless,"

One person’s dirty talk could be another person’s clean. What you might find to be “dirty” or even “nasty” could sound “neutral” or “vanilla” to another’s ears. Dirty talk can be a great supplement to your sex life, whether in person or over the phone, by text or over video chat.

To find out what rocks your girlfriend’s aural stimulation boat, you might have to ask her to take a turn “talking dirty” to you, to actually say to you the kinds of things she’s hoping you’ll say to her during sex. It might turn out that she’s actually too shy to say the things she’d like to hear — in which case, you could suggest that she write it down and leave it for you. If it turns out that you’re too shy or uncomfortable to say what she’d like you to say, then the two of you could talk about it together. By establishing basic ground rules on what words are “off limits” with your partner before you begin, you can keep things from getting offensive. On the other hand, if you’re comfortable with it and it turns her on, then go to town!

Without knowing what you’ve already tried, you might start with the things you’ve already said. But sometimes the way you say a phrase or word is just as important as the words themselves. Have you tried varying your expression, or experimenting with the timbre and the volume of your voice? You could emphasize certain words, whisper, even scream! Have you tried holding eye contact when you’re talking dirty? Use slang for body parts or drop an f-bomb if it feels right to you to let her know how aroused you are. Be explicit if you like. You could try describing what’s happening to you and how good it feels in your body; telling her your dirty fantasies or what you want to have happen next; saying what you are going to do next or telling your partner what you want her to do to you right now. Another great way to sound dirty in the sack is to compliment your partner. Praise what she is doing or tell her how much you love her body — be descriptive and creative. Overall, there is no single way to talk “dirty.” Invest a little time in experimenting and together you’ll likely find the right combination of options with which you’re comfortable and that serve as a turn on for both of you.

Good luck talking dirtier!


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