How do I manage feelings of guilt that "cum" with masturbation?

Dear Reader, 

Masturbation is nothing to be ashamed of—but neither is questioning it! You may encounter conflicting messages about masturbation in media and in your daily life. This may make it hard to determine what your true feelings on the subject are. Ultimately, masturbation is entirely personal—both physically and morally, and whether you choose to partake is entirely up to you! 

What is masturbation? 

Masturbation is a common form of self-stimulation. It typically involves the use of some combination of your hands, genitals, and sex toys to reach sexual release. Many people will try masturbating over the course of their lives. That said, masturbation is entirely individual and can be described and carried out in a variety of unique ways.   

Why do people masturbate? 

You may associate masturbation with sexual pleasure, but there are plenty of other reasons why people masturbate. Some find that masturbating increases their confidence, reduces stress, or improves their sleep. Masturbating solo may help you to learn more about your sexual likes and dislikes. It can also be a productive form of self-exploration without having to worry about risks that may come with intercourse—such as pregnancy or sexually transmitted infections (STIs). 

Likewise, masturbating with a consenting partner (also known as mutual masturbation) may help you further explore a sexual relationship and build upon mutual pleasure.  However, it’s important to note that mutual masturbation can carry some risk for STIs. If you’re participating in the latter, consider utilizing safer sex practices like using a condom or dental dam.  

Are there negative side effects to masturbation? 

There’s plenty of misinformation about masturbation out there, and it can be hard to sift out the truth. Scientifically speaking, there are no negative side effects to masturbation. In fact, none of the common myths are true. It won’t weaken your eyesight or change the shape of your genitals, and it won’t decrease your libido or sperm count. There may be a risk of minor injury—such as soreness or irritation—but this can be avoided by treating your body and your genitals with care. This could mean using lube, taking a break, or adjusting your pace or position when masturbating. 

While there are no physical risks associated with masturbation, it is possible for moral conflicts to arise—as it seems you have encountered. Masturbation has historically been treated as a taboo subject, which can certainly lead to feelings of shame or guilt for many people. 

Should you feel guilty for masturbating? 

The short answer here is: no, you should not feel guilty for masturbating. If you’re a member of a religious or cultural group that discourages masturbation or labels it a sin, it may be hard to untangle your own pleasure from these ways of thinking. If you’re having trouble parsing out your feelings about feeling yourself, it might be helpful for you to consider where the guilt you feel comes from. It may also be helpful to consider who you can talk to about it by asking yourself some questions like:  

• Do you feel guilty while you masturbate? Right after? Or only when you think about it later, in the context of your religious values? 
• What relationship do you have with your priest? Is he someone you want to talk to about this, or do you feel pressured to speak with him as a religious leader?  
• What do you hope a priest will say? What do you hope to get out of that interaction? 
• Do you have someone else that you trust to share this dilemma with? How might what they say differ from what a religious official would say? 

How can you manage these feelings of guilt? 

What you do with your business is your business and nobody else’s. Whether you choose to masturbate or not is your own choice, informed by your own thoughts, values, and feelings. If you find someone else’s opinions creeping in, you may want to think about which is more important to you—their ideas or your own? 

It might also be helpful to talk to a health care provider or mental health professional. They can help you navigate your relationship with religion and your own self-exploration. If you have a sexual partner, talking to them about masturbation could help alleviate some of your negative feelings and might even help better your sexual relationship. It can be hard to talk about personal or sexual issues, but you may find that doing so makes a huge difference! 

At the end of the day, masturbation and its morals are in your hands. As long as you aren’t causing harm to yourself or others, go with whatever gets you off!