Dear Alice,

My boyfriend kisses with his eyes open. I've heard you are not supposed to trust people who kiss with their eyes open. I naturally kiss with my eyes closed (except to peek occasionally to see if his eyes are open). What's up with kissing with your eyes open?! What does that mean?

Dear Reader,

Maybe it means that your boyfriend wants to see whom he's kissing! Maybe he's doubly turned on because his visual sense is getting stimulation, too. Or, is there something a little alluring about trying things differently? Could the rest of us be missing out here because we've been told by friends or movie stars that you're "supposed to" kiss with your eyes shut? It's true that visual input can also be distracting, so closed eyes when kissing does allow for the fuller touch and taste sensations that give smooching its mass appeal. Why not try it with eyes open the next time you're together? The really close eye contact might be freaky at first, but there's also the potential for an even more intimate experience. At a minimum, you'll be trying to learn more about what makes your partner tick.

Now, if the boyfriend is watching T.V. or keeping an eye on the clock when orally engaged, he's not giving you his undivided attention. That might raise your eyebrows about his less-than-complete respect and intimacy, more than it does concerns about trust. If this is the case, using your tongues for talking about it might ease your angst.

Despite what you've heard, there are no technical kissing rules. You could suck face and knit sweaters at the same time, as long as you're caring for one another in the process.


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