How can I get over the awkwardness after telling my friend I like him?

Dear Reader,

It took a lot of bravery for you to share your true feelings with your friend, and it can be confusing and painful if those feelings don't go both ways! It's not unusual for a friendship to change when romantic feelings develop. It’s possible that your friendship might not go back to the way it was before, so try not to put too much pressure on getting it “back to normal.” Your relationship may have a new normal, and that’s okay! Read on to learn more about how to take care of yourself and your friendship during this time. 

Why might my friend be acting this way?  

There are many reasons that your friend could be acting awkward or distant. He might be feeling pressure from his friends, uncertainty about what he wants, or confused about how to move forward. It’s also possible that he is still figuring out his own feelings. He may not be as ready as you are to have this conversation. Or it may have surprised him to hear about your feelings for him.  

How can you handle “awkward” situations after confessing romantic feelings to a friend? 

While you can’t control how your friend feels about or deals with this situation, there are some things you can do that may help “break the awkwardness.” For example:  

• Give it time. Giving things space and time may allow both you and your friend to process and come back without feeling pressure.  
• Keep it low-pressure. Engaging in neutral conversation or small talk might help the two of you communicate in a safe and easy way.  
• Be honest and direct. Sometimes naming the awkwardness can help break the ice. You might consider asking him, “Is this as awkward for you as it is for me?” Being on the same page can help both of you figure out how to move forward. 
• Remember that you aren’t alone. Awkward situations happen to everyone. Just because it’s uncomfortable doesn’t mean that there’s anything that you’ve done wrong in your friendship. 

 List adapted from A Sociology of Awkwardness 

How can you effectively communicate in a strained friendship? 

When a friendship dynamic changes, it may bring out uncomfortable feelings such as sadness, confusion, and anger. Communication is important, but it might be challenging when these complex feelings are involved. These tips may be helpful as you engage in conversations with your friend: 

• Try to avoid making assumptions. 
• Plan ahead and prepare what you want to say. 
• Use “I” statements to avoid blaming language. 
• Respect boundaries, both yours and theirs. 
• Focus on the things you can control. 

 List adapted from Utah State University and Harvard Division of Continuing Education 

How can you deal with rejection from a friend? 

Feeling rejected by your friend can be a really painful experience. It’s normal to want to protect yourself from this feeling in the future. Research has shown that emotion regulation skills can help people manage difficult feelings, such as the pain of rejection.  Like any skill, emotion regulation can be built over time.  

Here are a couple of ways to strengthen your emotional regulation muscles:   

• Name the emotion. Noticing and naming your feelings can help you separate yourself from them. Try to observe your emotions without judgement.  
• Practice mindfulness. Grounding techniques or breathing exercises allow you to stay present in the current moment.  
• Create space. Instead of reacting immediately, take some space and time to choose how you want to respond.  
• Shift your mindset. Notice whether you can change your thinking patterns about a situation; it might change how you feel! 
• Accept the circumstances. It’s not always possible to change or “fix” a situation. Allowing it to just "be" can help you focus on the things that are within your control.  

 List adapted from Harvard Health and VeryWell Mind 

You can also focus on things that may help you feel better. Like spending time with friends or family who make you feel loved and valued or spending time doing your favorite hobbies. You can also practice self-care, like getting enough sleep and spending time outside. Practicing gratitude and self-compassion, too, can help you focus on things in life that make you happy.  

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Confessing your feelings takes strength and courage. Unfortunately, it doesn’t always turn out the way you hoped. Navigating a new friendship dynamic can bring about feelings of awkwardness and uncertainty for both of you. Remember to be kind to yourself and take it one day at a time. 

With care,