Am I coming or going?: Distinguishing between orgasm and urination

Originally Published: December 8, 2000 - Last Updated / Reviewed On: January 18, 2008
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Alice,

Every time I feel like I want to orgasm, I stop because it feels like I have to pee. I don't know if I have to pee or if I'm really having an orgasm. Please help.

Dear Reader,

Sexual physiology has confused and confounded most people at some point. Wanting to have an orgasm, and having the courage to ask for the information you need to have one, are two big steps in the right direction.

As for your question, the answer depends on a few factors, one being your sex. Men do not urinate and ejaculate at the same time. When a man is about to ejaculate, the opening to his bladder closes to prevent urine from mixing with semen. So, men can feel free to relax and go with the flow, because they don't pee when they come.

For women, things are a little more complicated. It's possible for women to urinate and orgasm at the same time, and, as a result, some women do hold back on orgasms to prevent this from happening. However, it's also easy to confuse the sensation of impending orgasm with the urge to pee. What's more, many women experience "female ejaculation," which involves expelling a liquid that is not urine (read Orgasms, female ejaculation, and the G-spot, again for more info). Many women (and men) enjoy female ejaculation, even with the sometimes abundant fluid that accompanies orgasm.

During sex, you or your partner's fingers, hands, penis, or other object may be putting pressure on your bladder. If you look at female anatomy diagrams, it's easy to see how close the clitoris and vagina are to the bladder, and why the bladder might get prodded during sex. Women who have urinary stress incontinence sometimes "leak" urine when they laugh, sneeze, or orgasm. This is more common in women who have had children. Women can gain control over "leaking" by practicing Kegel exercises, which strengthen the pelvic muscles around the vagina and urethra. (To learn how, check out Kegel Technique.)

Women who do not experience urinary incontinence at other times, but feel the urge to pee when approaching orgasm, may be getting confusing messages from very sensitive parts of their bodies. The clitoris, often the focus of sexual pleasure for women, is located about a finger width above the opening of the urethra. It's hard to stimulate one without rubbing the other. You may feel most comfortable if you empty your bladder before sex (it's a good idea to pee before and after sex to help prevent urinary tract infections (UTIs) as well — see Urinating before and after sex: Can it prevent pregnancy and STDs?). That way you can feel free to let go and/or come!

Alice

February 25, 2013

524412
I soak through layers of bedding, my bf...and ex bfs love it but they were unaware of what I thought it was. Thank you so much, I feel a lot better about myself :)
I soak through layers of bedding, my bf...and ex bfs love it but they were unaware of what I thought it was. Thank you so much, I feel a lot better about myself :)

December 12, 2012

520082
My experience with women who have these feelings is that in a trusting relationship...just learn to let it go. Place a towel in a strategic position, and just let happen what will happen. If you pee...
My experience with women who have these feelings is that in a trusting relationship...just learn to let it go. Place a towel in a strategic position, and just let happen what will happen. If you pee, so be it, but it has been my experience women do not pee in this scenario,,,it is as you described, a confusion of senses. That urgent feeling of peeing, I have found, is most common in women who are capable of 'squirting'. When they learn to let go and that I won't be upset if they do pee on me, they tend to have powerful orgasms.

November 30, 2012

519484
Thank you Alice. I have spent the last few months unsure of what my body was doing. So I experimented, I urinted beforehand and proud to say I'm a squirter. I feel liberated to cum and go as I please...
Thank you Alice. I have spent the last few months unsure of what my body was doing. So I experimented, I urinted beforehand and proud to say I'm a squirter. I feel liberated to cum and go as I please. I advise any woman that feels unsure to test, test, test. Check color, smell, and by all means taste. If it looks and smells like urine, and is bitter...then its urine.

January 3, 2008

21369

Thank you, Alice, for providing real information about female ejaculation, and for allowing responses.

The one reader response signed "puddles" made me feel much less like a...

Thank you, Alice, for providing real information about female ejaculation, and for allowing responses.

The one reader response signed "puddles" made me feel much less like a freak. For the past several months I have been having intense orgasms coupled with ejaculation when my girlfriend penetrates me with her hand or a dildo. I had never experienced this before in my near decade of sexual activity. Sometimes its just a few teaspoonfulls, but lately its been more. Much more. Last night we had to wash the sheets and sleep in the guest bedroom because I left such a huge puddle! Probably more than a cup of liquid. I was very ashamed and really worried that something was wrong with me. I was dreading going to the GYN and having to ask about it. Now I just tell my girlfriend that she has proof that she's doing a great job!

Thanks, Bashfully Wet

June 30, 2004

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Alice,

I am a 25 y/o female who has just experienced female ejaculation. I went to my dr. about it because I though something was wrong with me. I wasn't sure what was going on. I accused my...

Alice,

I am a 25 y/o female who has just experienced female ejaculation. I went to my dr. about it because I though something was wrong with me. I wasn't sure what was going on. I accused my partner of urinating on me and he told me that it wasn't him. The second time it happened to me, he stopped penetrating and the fluid came shooting out. I was sitting here on the Internet trying to research this and I found that many studies don't believe it to be true. Well, I am living proof that this is true and it happens.

May 9, 2004

20693
Alice, Thank God for your site! I was so embarrassed to think that I was urinating while having sex. It didn't feel like I was, but I was releasing so much fluid my boyfriend and I were convinced...
Alice, Thank God for your site! I was so embarrassed to think that I was urinating while having sex. It didn't feel like I was, but I was releasing so much fluid my boyfriend and I were convinced this is what was happening. I am so relieved to know that not only am I not alone, but that my boyfriend can give me the most amazing orgasms of my life!!!!! Thank you, thank you, thank you, a THOUSAND times thank you! Sherri

December 21, 2001

20392
Dear Alice, There was a question in regards to a girl feeling like she has to urinate while having sex. PLEASE do not tell her or anyone else that the only reason is that her bladder is full!!!!...
Dear Alice, There was a question in regards to a girl feeling like she has to urinate while having sex. PLEASE do not tell her or anyone else that the only reason is that her bladder is full!!!! That may be one of the reasons but... there is a thing called female ejaculation. It is another possible reason why a girl may feel like she has to pee during sex. As a young girl of 23, I always had that sensation and stopped myself from having sex. Then one day, my boyfriend of two years told me that he loved me and he didn't care if I urinated all over the place, so I did... I called and asked my mother if I had urinated or had an orgasm (my mother is very cool, obviously). She told me to go and smell to see what it was... and it wasn't urine... it didn't smell like urine and it wasn't yellow. I had a full on ORGASM!!! Now, as an adult, I can have the most wonderful female ejaculation orgasms... put it this way... I have made puddles on my floor that when cleaned up with a towel, I could wring it out and fill a glass! Let me tell you... IT IS THE MOST WONDERFUL FEELING IN THE WORLD!! Now I know what men must feel when they achieve orgasm! Signed... Puddles